Sage:
I am concerned bc i am feeling right now this afraid about future reapeating all the bad moments of the past... maybe bc i was reading my past journal, i felt even worse... but the positive is that i had controlled myself, never change my mood in front of h, and try to think that our past history wont repeat again...
Reading my journal i found out many many differents behavior in my h on this period reconciliation than the last one that not function...
On our last "being together again" period he sustained the acctitude of "doing what i want and what i desire without any consideration for you"... he inisisted going out with buddies until late night, he contacted the OW only for brief talks but he contacted her... he always acted like the king who needs all.... And about me, i was so insecure, so fragile... reading that i found out how much i had learned and growht by myself... and definitely this change on me has made a great impact on him...!!...
So, there is a long journey in front of me... i need to beguin my C therapy again, so soon, but we dont have too much money extra so next week maybe... but i know this will help me a lot, my c is so good...!!...Sometimes i wonder if talking about my fears and feelings will be positive for us, and always i getthe conclussion that no...!!... for example, yesterday i was thinking that maybe my h was with me bc economic issue... bc a split will be negative for him... but then i remember and see how affective and great he is with me... how great we make love.. how much we enjoy together, and i get withput any talk, my own conclussion that a man that isnt confortable with his W, and that is only bc economic issue with her, will never act as my h...
So, you are not alone in this process.... hang in there, and i will appreciate too much the feed back with someone is feeling the same as me...
receive a big hug...
Andrea