Heck yeah - W went into counseling with us doing pretty well - she had sworn for a year and a half she WOULDN'T go to counseling. I had found my boundaries, was giving her space - we were talking, spending time as a family. Then she came out of being with this counselor (5 visits) and pronounced herself "healed" from her entire past of sexual abuse as a child, familial verbal abuse, etc. Then she proceeded to tell me that her reactions to me were good reactions, and she needed to "protect" herself from me.
Took 6 months to get to the point where she realized that was really pretty stupid, and I actually got things back on track months later.
I have to tell everyone here - the going dark is superb. I think my efforts at it are going to be very slow - mostly because W is in school 5 days a week, and basically works the entire weekend. She also has BFF over several days a week - I'm guessing that the BFF spends the night there 3-4 nights a week - she cooks, cleans, entertains the kids. What W doesn't realize is that D8 is calling her her "second mom". I don't know about anyone else, but I would NEVER be in a position where my kids would call someone their "second dad".
Anyway, essentially, she doesn't feel any "pain".
HOWEVER, the positives are what it's doing for ME! Which is really what going dark is all about. It is helping me to get focused on work, REALLY enjoy the time with my kids - talk to family, set up a "guy's night out", and so on.
I find myself thinking less about W - and honestly, not being consumed all the time actually makes me think of her in a more positive light - not sure why that is.
So, I'll continue dangling here - it doesn't feel too bad. I don't dread divorce, I don't stress out about W coming back, I don't worry about how she'll act next week.
