Craig LRT being patient

[craig54]

It is hard to see people who have worked so hard to improve their lives and possibly save their marriages , have their marriages end. We come here with both eyes open, and know in the end , our marriages may not be restored. It takes moxy to want to try and save our marriages in this disposable world.regardless, we will come out of this experience more grounded, more loving people, knowing if we get another chance at marriage, we will be more equipped.

[hopeinmind]

Craig, I just read your thread and i am so sorry. I hate to read it because it sounds all too familiar anf frankly doesn't bring me much hope. i am questioning whether or not to play it like Jack the bear and not put up with any of it ever again and call it quits. Or do I stay on the road you chose with no results? I will pray for you and your W and I know you will be fine. Thanks for your responses to my thread because they do help.

[craig54]

Hope,

I know my situation looks bleak, but I have not given up, when Jesus says it is over, then it is over.Please do not give up because of my situation. I knew coming into this there were no guarantees. I would not trade this journey, it helped me get my relationship with God back on track, that in itself makes it worth it no matter what happens.You have no idea how your situation will turn out. Don't short change yourself. Hang in there.One day at a time.

[craig54]

Wife is already stressed about going to her grandmothers funeral nex Tuesday, Having to deal with her mother, brother and the rest of the family. I must search my soul and figure out why I said I would go. I must be losing it, the drama will be dreadful.She is mad because I never responded to the divorce , which means she has to pay an extra 300.00 to finish the divorce.I just told her, since we were using a settlement agreement, I did not need to.

I hope and pray we all remember why we are going to the funeral, to pay respect to a wonderful lady who lived quite a life.In her mlc mind, everything is a task.

[craig54]

I guess I am the jerk in my daughters eyes after last night. It was her mothers week to have her. I invited my oldest son and his family for a dinner celebrating our birthdays. My wife said I should have had her come over, and my daughter was bummed that I did not invite her. Right or wrong I told my wife It was her week to have her. This is what divorce is.Yes it sucks,big time.

[craig54]

I just apologized to my daughter. I was being small and trying to make a point. Unfortunately I used my daughter to make the point. Terribly wrong.I feel like an ass. I told her that I was mad at her mother, I have been mad since I signed the final papers a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to punish my wife.It backfired. My daughter deserves better than this.

[25yearsmlc]

yes your d does deserve better than this. Tell her that, and change your approach so she knows that SHE is, and will always be, your priority. Make HER happiness your obvious priority. But tell her, don't assume she knows.

And forgive yourself. You are more aware than many people ever become and you realize in the midst of your pain, that even though your w brought the divorce on, you can still screw things up. So, now you know. And you'll do better from now on. That's all you can do. Grow, learn, improve, be the best man you can be.

(( j ))

[craig54]

The funeral was very respectful of my wifes grandmother. There was no drama between family members, everybody minded there P's &Q's. My wife and mother in law and a friend were sitting around the dining room table after everyone left, and my mother in law said it would be great to have a family get together in the summer. My wife piped in that just because we were not going to married that it would be great to have us all together as a family at a family get together.I bit my tongue because my daughter was sitting there also. My wife is clueless.The drive home was uncomfortable, at least for me it was.Six hours in a car, was too long.We talked about nothing important, and just alot of silence.

[craig54]

Apparently I am going to have to gently let my wife know what the ramifications of divorce are. Not just the ability to get rid of me, but to understand that we will go our seperate ways, with the children being the only bond.The reality of losing my best friend of 20 years is really sinking in the last two weeks, since we signed the papers.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Craig,

You know your sitch better than anyone.

Has treating your wife gently improved your relationship with her?

I only ask because for me a show of what it would be like without me, wasn't all that gentle.

The difference between, "You know I'm not going to be around to help you when we are divorced?"

And the crickets my wife heard whenever she tried to engage me with frivilous BS. Was worlds apart.