Just found out wife filed

[Puppy Dog Tails]

If it were you that had run off, and you wanted to split the money from the sale of the house, wouldn't you want to know about any offers? I suspect she's saying, "I don't want to talk to you really, but I want SOME MONEY"

Yep.

[RobD70]

There won't be any money, we'll do good to break even. She is helping me with the house payments so I suspect she'll be happy that she won't have to do that anymore.

I can't wait until this weekend is over. I'm sure her and the OM have big plans (I did until she pulled this stunt again). I'm hoping next week I'll be back in the don't care mood again until D-day sometime in April.

I'm not ready to date, not with this much resentment anyway so I'm blowing off all the women I've been talking to online until the D is final. I hope by then I'll be in a better place mentally but I may still fly solo for a while.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

That would probably be smart, Rob. I've always heard "6 months" as the suggested length of time you should give it, just to be fair to YOURSELF.

Is she aware you're only going to break even on the house?

Puppy

[RobD70]

Yea she knows there wont be any money. They pulled their offer anyway so back to square one.

After this weekend, I'm betting the W doesn't think I'm pining away for her anymore. When she emailed and asked when would be a good time to get her stuff and if I just wanted the boys to get it then it would have to wait until Sunday. I said Sunday was fine. I also saw that SHE took someone out on V-day (family I'm guessing) so I guess she didn't spend all day with the OM (she spend some money out of our account, if the OM was there he would have paid since he's Mr. Moneybags). I'm sure the OM did something for her but I'm getting the impression things might not be all rainbows and puppies with them. I could be wrong...but odds are I'm not considering their history. The last couple of times she was with him it took a couple of months for the tarnish in the R to appear.

Another odd thing is she still hasn't served me the papers yet. I'm wondering if she was ever going to tell me about it to begin with and just did it for the OM's sake. She had them for a week before she even told me and only told me because she was afraid the counselor was going to spill the beans.

I might be just looking at this all wrong but if it makes me feel better than what's the harm. I can just "act as if" she wants me back but is afraid to talk to me and I can just sit back and enjoy my freedom lol. I know she doesn't want me, at least right now anyway so I'm not that delusional. So far I've been good at not snooping or asking about her from anyone. Even when the boys came over we didn't even bring up her name.

This last week I've been really hating the W, I'm hoping I get past that. I am trying to go under the assumption that we will D in April and there's a good chance of her marrying the OM. I figure that's worse case so if I prepare for that then if it really happens I'll be ready for it.

[sadfirefighter]

Rob-
Hey fellow Texan! Sorry about your troubles. I know what you mean about the S. It is absolutely tearing me up that I no longer see them. I too am not their bio dad but I have raised them. I think you may have posted on my thread that there are ups and downs and to be careful....someone did. I feel for where you are at. I've been on a high for a few days now and today I am meeting her face to face to discuss some things....and I am sick. My body is aching again. I just want it over...the pain is absolutely too much. I don't have just a whole lot of advice for ya right now cause I am short on it myself but I wanted to let ya know I feel your pain. This DB stuff is hard work man. I hope you do what makes you happy! Have a super day.

[RobD70]

Hey SFF, I only talk the the W through txt and email and I'm dreading the day I have to see her again.

NC is the way to go and I'm betting after a couple of months my W may have a change of heart...of course I'm getting to the point where I don't want anything to do with her.

I see your's left 1/17 so it's only been a month for you. Normally they start having second thoughts at the 3 and 6 month mark so keep that in mind.

If my W doesn't reach out to me by the end of March (my birthday) then I will completely write her off and push for finalizing the D. It's either all or nothing for now on and no more being the backup guy while she tries to figure out what she wants. I need to worry about what I want.

One thing that helps me is asking myself "What does the W do for me that some other woman can't?". I don't have an answer for that.

[RobD70]

I'm trying to calm myself down, I'm a bit surprised how much stuff still affects me.

I looked at the online banking today and noticed that the W went to the bar she normally meets the OM at last night and this morning I saw a charge at a McDonald's by his house. It's pretty obvious she spent to the night there last night which just makes me so angry. It shouldn't be a surprise but I guess seeing conformation really hit me hard. I'm just so disappointed in her and I really am starting to hate her as time goes by.

I don't even know what to think or do. Well, I know not to do anything even if I'm tempted to out her on it. Of course she's free to do whatever she wants but it's just a slap in the face that she does this while we are still legally married. Not that it matters anymore....

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Rob,

I know this hurts, but once you guys agree to D, there's really nothing you can do about this. I had a bit of a "post-Cold War" feeling of emptiness myself, having fought SO hard to bust up my wife's affair, that once I filed for D two years ago (we've since reconciled) I suddenly realized I really didn't get a "say" any longer in where she went or what she did.

And she, having to no longer hide it, was freer to operate as well. All you can do is lay out whatever few boundaries you still think you can enforce, and move on with yourself.

Puppy

[RobD70]

I know, I just feel so disrespected. I know in the end I will most likely be better off than her but in the here and now it's still hard. I was doing so well to.

I feel that I just want to lash out but I can't think of a way that would be beneficial. Confronting her will do nothing but make her feel more guilty which doesn't help. I just feel like I wasted all these years with someone I thought was better than this.

Tomorrow is a new day. Today I'll just suck it up and not do anything I'll regret later.

[RobD70]

I think what sucks this time is all the things she said to me back in December. Stuff like this on 12/18:

"I love you very much. I knew you were special from the night we went on our 2nd date. I would be honored and blessed to spend the rest of my life with you. I am very proud to call you my husband."

That was just 2 months ago after our 2nd reconcile and now she files. That was just a snip of a gushing email she sent and I'm sure she meant it at the time she wrote it. You don't know how tempting it is to send it back to her or even the OM.

It almost makes me pity her. From what I've seen from her in the past and other people once she get comfortable with the OM again these thoughts of me will re-surface. I wish I was in a place to meet someone else and get over her but that's not going to happen. I am trying to just love myself and find the tools to do that with.

Got another offer on the house but they are low-balling me. I might take it if I can break even just to get out of there.