Like Sara, I am relieved to see you posting again. I have been worried about you.
If OW and your H hadn't been intimate in a while then why is OW still so 'on the scene'. It just doesn't ring true. I honestly believe he went to see her that evening he got real mean when those friends were over with your D's and your H's 'plans' were spoiled.
All this pet stuff still sounds like an excuse to me also - it always has.
If your H came home and rented out the other house then he could maybe afford to pay OW a good severance settlement. If she is such a good PA/ secretary then she should be able to get another job....even in hard times.
I also have little compassion for the OW - she knew exactly what she was doing - she knew your H was married. The way she has wormed her way into your H's family etc just makes me sick.
Your H is used to you backing off after you have had words with him. Please don't do that now. He will expect you to back down. I truly believe you will never get him back unless he honestly thinks you would go through with a D. He doesn't believe you have ever dropped the rope.....and that's because you haven't.
Yoyo, you deserve so much more. If your H is to be married to you he needs to learn to respect you. I don't believe that at the moment he does. He thinks this is the 'same old, same old'.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
