I don't have my own thread anymore, sort of decided it does me no real good to analyze everything and anything my H says or does. I have been exactly where you are with so many things that I just wanted to say welcome and know that you have a support system here.
First, read about MLC. Really really read about it. The resource threads are wonderful and will help you gauge yourself and H.
Next, the "survival" stories, it is wonderful to hear that some people have restored their M but yes, it is because of the work they have done on themselves and believe it or not, the work the spouses did during the situation that has gotten them there. I believe it is Yellowrose whose H's MLC actually lasted 7 years. The best thing she did was to know in herself that she would be ok whether H came home or not. And as 3Beans said, not all of the survival stories remain married. That is the biggest thing you have to accept so that you can really begin this journey. You are not doing this to save your marriage. You are doing this to save you and if your marriage survives, that is a wonderful thing.
I too agree you are not ready for LRT. Not yet. Right now you should probably strive for loving detatchment. If there is OW, who cares? I know you do but you can't. And just because this one is around or gone, does not mean there is not another until your H decides that he is over that.
Funny thing about them not being as done as they say. Many go through that. My H and I agreed on living arrangements, that is was done, etc... and then two day later it was we have had such a nice couple of days it made me think maybe--coming from him. Then a week later, I was again the most horrible person in the world. So just go with it and try not to put too much stock into the words right now. The good ones and the hurtful ones.
Believe it or not a few things will happen to you while you are going through this. You will feel better about yourself. You won't care if there is another person or not. You won't be so bothered by things they do or don't do eventually. And the point will come, probably as H starts to turn a little, where you will honestly and truly ask yourself if the M is what you want for you. Is this person really good for you and what you want out of your life. And when the time is right for you, you will know the answers to all of it as well. It is not a quick process. There is lots of good advice and support here. Use this place to vent, to wonder, to analyze for a while. Take the time to think about what others are telling you, what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do, and go from there.
I am sort of floating along in my journey, pretty sure my H will not turn around anytime soon, but I am really good and looking forward to whatever my future will bring. That is what this place has done for me. I hope you make as many wonderful friends as I have and you use this as a growing time for yourself.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
