Just read through your thread.

You are really doing quite good and MY GOSH!!! She moved out of the house and YOU HAVE THE KIDS!!!! Yaaaay!!!! Whatever you do keep a journal about that and the amount of time she spends with them. Depending on your state's laws, If she does go for divorce you may be able to claim "abandonment" and have full custody. The good thing about this is it reduces the chance of them being around a potential child molester. I know that sounds a little paranoid, but it never hurts to be careful...

I'm also glad you packed up W's things for her. I did the same thing when my H moved out. I tried to present it as a something I was doing to be helpful and supportive (but really I was trying to make sure he left with lots of memories and that he would see me as kind and generous!). I put in extra things, silverware, blankets, towels, a little stack of photos of him and the kids, copies of family videos, etc... (Of course the best things I kept for me!).

I figured the more memories he had of home, and the kids, the better! ;\) Also, I wanted to come across as this great person. He had "rewritten history" so I wanted to make sure I cam across as generous, kind, and helpful. Not in a weak and manipulative way, but in a strong, happy, "let's all move forward" way.

Does she ever come to the house? You might want to change things around, make sure it's spotless (if possible with 3 guys! Yikes!!!), make it seem like an inviting comfortable place. If she mentions anything about changes, or how nice it is, you might want to say you plan to turn it into a "chick magnet!" Then say, "Just joking!!!" (even though you are NOT going to turn the place into a chick magnet, it never hurts for her to consider how other women might see it).

I hope you are going to the gym, working out, buying new, attractive and trendy clothes for yourself and doing some 180s for you.

Be kind, be a great listener, smile a lot and ACT HAPPY. The funny thing, when you act happy you eventually become happier.

Also, start doing more fun things with the kids. Plan family things every weekend that you know she'd be sorry to not be a part of. This will help you and your children connect further, and create some good bonding and healing with them.

I don't think you need to be "dark" yet, but you need to be busy. And happy!!! You need to create a home and life anyone would envy and want to be part of.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.