I have gone the confontaton route and it pushed her away. It pushed me out of the house and her into the arms of her ex-BF
YOU chose to leave the house, and you shouldn't have. If she wanted out of the marriage, or wanted more space, SHE should have left. You should have stood your ground from the get-go. Reading your first post, you said she had her affair AFTER you moved out; how exactly is it that you "pushed her into the arms of OM"??? If anything, I see her pushing YOU OUT, and then RUNNING to her boyfriend.
Just my opinion. If you feel it's working well for you the way you're doing it, by all means you should keep on doing it. You know your own situation the best. But I see you struggling and asking for advice, and then you tend to shoot it all done, esp. whenever it involves taking any firm stances.
