I'm back. Sorry, I wanted to have something to report, before I posted again.
I am still seeing a registered psychotherapist/marriage counselor. He is helping me through many of my issues. I am trying to determine why I have put up with this all these years.
He helped me determine the root cause: I have a pathological fear of intimacy, that was created in childhood, through an extremely poor self-image. I have a complete lack of self-respect, that causes me to engage in one exploitive relationship after another.
This is at the core of my problems. Until I resolve this, I will not experience any real improvements, in any facet of my life - especially in my marriage.
So I am not gong to take any actions to endanger my marriage, until my own personal issues are resolved. Quite frankly, I do not have the confidence or self-esteem to attempt anything like this, at this point in time.
I had a checkup last year, when I had a testosterone test done. This was on the recommendation of my therapist. I received bad news. My testosterone count is extremely low, and my estrogen count is very high. I likely suffer from some sort of pituitary or testicular deficiency. (This is part of the explanation for my weak sex drive, and lack of self-esteem/self-worth/confidence.) So the causes of my problems are not 100% emotional or psychological - some are physical.
I am receiving hormone replacement therapy, from my doctor. I go back in a couple of weeks, to see if there is any improvement.
