36 today, this may just be MY year !

[Cinderellaman]

Ok....

Textmessaging with the guy I met got totally out of hand last night, we exchanged at least 25...FAR too many. So this morning when I got up, I thought...enough, I have to tell this guy. So when I got out of the shower, I noticed a TM from him again, saying good morning and to have a nice day. I sent a short one back with the same.
Later on he sent me one saying that maybe it had been too much last night...so I wrote back and told him that I am flattered but that I am not ready for anything more than friendship and that I'm sure he will find a wonderful person to share his life with, that he has given me great confidence and that he made me feel like a woman again, that I'm thankful for that, and never meant to mislead him or lead him on, that I have a lot of bagage and that I'm devoted to my kids now...and I said sorry.

He wrote back, saying there was no need for me to say sorry, that he totally understood and knows my situation and that he could tell, I wasn't ready yet. But that he still thinks I'm a great person and friendship is always an option. I told him thank you and that he truly was a nice guy.

Yikes, I'm too afraid to get hurt still, or even hurt someone else.

I feel relieved, because otherwise I may actually have led him on.

Yes, I considered a one night stand with this guy even, as I felt a physical attraction, and a woman does have needs...(;) ) but I know that's not for me...
When the time is right, I'm sure I'll meet the right person !

[tpaschal]

Cinders,

Good for you! It sounds like you handled the situation perfectly, and what a nice guy he really is to respond in such a kind and respectful way.

Maybe the two of you wouldn't be compatible in a relationship, but maybe this guy really can be just a friend. I think it's great to have one or two guy friends who can give you a male perspective on some things---like flirting and dating and relationships!

I know exactly how you feel about being afraid of getting hurt, or being afraid of hurting someone else by leading them on when I know I'm not really ready to be in a relationship. I guess most of us here have similar fears.

And I know what you mean about the one night stand! It's been along dry spell--LOL! But even more than sex, I miss the kissing and the cuddling and just knowing someone that comes with being in a relationship. Sometimes I miss that so much that I think, "Why not find someone new? Ex doesn't want me, our marriage is over, and he's moved on, so why shouldn't I?"

But I know that it has to be about ME, not about exH, and I know my feelings and my heart are not healed enough yet to be ready for a new relationship. Flirting? Heck, yes! Casual dating? Maybe someday soon. But a boyfriend? No way!!!

I know I have to trust God to let me know when the time is right....

It's so great to come here and chat with people who are in the same boat!

[Cinderellaman]

Dear tpaschal,

Your post was spot on, once again ! Yes this guy seems genuinely a nice guy...he is so positive and sweet about me all the time too...and yes, I think he does respect me. I guess it's weird, I kind of thought that men weren't like this...;isn't that sad!?!

Not because my H has been nasty, but I guess because I thought I was not worthy of being respected...or treated nicely or something.

And I know what you mean about the one night stand! It's been along dry spell--LOL! But even more than sex, I miss the kissing and the cuddling and just knowing someone that comes with being in a relationship. Sometimes I miss that so much

Exactly....I miss being kissed, held, touched, caressed and wanted...mostly just feeling wanted....
We nearly got together tonight, as I don't have the kids, but it didn't work out for us...I think it's best this way.
I don't think I could have restrained myself if he would have been sweet and kind, I think I would have jumped him - hahahaha

Oh well, ....what's meant to be, is meant to be right...

Oh yes, H came by, it was ok, he still needs so much attention, and he still does stuff to try and impress me. I kept thinking about the other guy, so hopefully my body language was clear enough....

Take care and thanks so much for your posts tpaschal ! xxx

[oldtimer]

cinders,

I'm a little worried. It is a bit of a red flag that your communication with this guy is entirely via text. Can you call him and speak to him anytime you want? If not, something is likely up.

[Cinderellaman]

Oldtimer !!! Hi !!!

Yes I could call him, but he seems to prefer texting, I think it's because he's a bit shy.
He's not a weirdo, his sister owns the local bakery and he helps out a lot, next to his own job.

It's nice to see you pop round though, hope all is well with you ! xxx

[ACJ]

Cinders,
I too know how nice it feels for someone to take an interest. In my case it happened waaaaaaaaay to soon after H left and I made it perfectly clear from the outset that I wanted my H back. However like you I did find myself wondering what it would be like to have one night stand (and believe me this is TOTALLY not me!). Like you I'm glad I didn't but interestingly know I feel ready to date those men who have previously been quite happy to flirt have fled into the distance

Think I need to go on a flirting course (yes they do exist)

[Cinderellaman]

Think I need to go on a flirting course (yes they do exist)

hahahhahaha ! Well ACJ, you know, I didn't think I had it in me to flirt anymore, but with this guy I seem to get him all excited just with a text message.... Either he's very desperate or he just feels a click I think...
When you meet the right one, I think things just go as they go.

What I have noticed is that this guy (J) wrote to me that he's assertive in life, but seems to lack it around me.... I think I make his defenses melt...yikes

Take care, and YES !! go out there and date and make friends, it has made me let go so much more of H, and I feel like a WOMAN again !! I think people see me walking on clouds right now !! hahahaha

I hope the very best for you sweety !!!

[oldtimer]

Sorry Cinders, I'm still worried. Have you in fact ever called him in the evening without warning? Look, a guy this interested who is free from other entanglements would generally be calling you all the time, and would have found a way to meet up with you at the various opportunities that haven't quite worked out for some odd reason...

[Truelove]

Hi Cinders,

He wrote back, saying there was no need for me to say sorry, that he totally understood and knows my situation and that he could tell, I wasn't ready yet. But that he still thinks I'm a great person and friendship is always an option. I told him thank you and that he truly was a nice guy.

This guy is an exceptionally nice guy! Not many men want to be just friends.

You handled the sitch so well and you did the right thing by telling him what you thought and not leading him on. You will surely find the right guy when the time comes.

Have a lovely week-end. xxx

[Cinderellaman]

Sorry Cinders, I'm still worried. Have you in fact ever called him in the evening without warning? Look, a guy this interested who is free from other entanglements would generally be calling you all the time, and would have found a way to meet up with you at the various opportunities that haven't quite worked out for some odd reason...

Oldtimer, I understand your concern, but to be honest I have not thought of any of this... Last night he was at home, he helped out at the bakery in preparation of this weekend, as his sister is going on holidays and he'll be taking over the weekend shift till Monday. The rest of the day he works as a self employed builder and handyman. I haven't had any reason to be suspicious. The reason he doesn't call me on the phone is that I seem to make him shy off...with him I feel a confident woman....whereas with H I am constantly wondering if I'm good enough.

Of course you may be right and he may be in a R with someone else...I'll ask him. But I truly feel this guy is honest and is treading carefully so that he won't waste his chance at this...

Thanks though, for opening my eyes to other possible motives ...