Quote: I just feel that I might be wasting me time.
if and a big if at that...his only reason to invite you along on all these "family" things is just for the sake of the "family" then honestly what do you have to lose? I see it as a win win win situation...you win because you get to spend time with dd and her dad...dd wins becuase she gets to see her parents act like adults and get along and enjoy her at the same time...h wins becuase he gets to share his dd with her mother.
I'd tend to doubt that all of this interaction is simply just for those reasons...
I would tend to think that yes since you were the one to leave that it would be up to you to initiate a "date" or a conversation about reconcilliation.
but for now I would actively work on getting out of om's house (even if it's seperate living you're still there), and take things slow with xh.
I didn't think that DR is for people who have been already divorced. Should I really read After the Affair since I had the affair? The five languages of love sound interesting. . . how can I get him un-confused?
Thanks Trying24now, that sounds like a great idea, I would love to help all the men who's wives have walked away from their marriages. How do I do that, should I go into midlife crisis? I could really use their tips on regaining trust! thanks for replying!
Quoting AnitaSues: I didn't think that DR is for people who have been already divorced. dr is for anybody who wishes to improve their relationship and life in general Should I really read After the Affair since I had the affair? might not be a bad idea...there are sections in dr about infidelity that may be enough to get you by The five languages of love sound interesting. interseting indeed . . how can I get him un-confused? by remanining consistant and realizing that you were confused for a long time yourself.
Quote: plus I'm still living with om. maybe when I move out after a couple of months I will try it again. Don't flip out, but yes, I am having sex with the om. Even when I say no, there's just something about him and I melt and end up having sex. Plus the ex has alot to work on in the sex department. so for now I have been sleeping with om. I think it was all about the sex for both of us. even if I do stick to my guns and say no he keeps bugging me so I give in! Whats the name of that book?
tsk...tsk...tsk...anita...this is exactly why your xh is totaly justified in being catious or as you call it confused...I would not even attempt at a date or any talk of reconcilliation until you 1. stop having a relationship with om. 2. move out of om's house.
is there not somewhere else you can live? a temporary place to go until you find a place of your own?
Hi Randy, glad to hear that someone else is in a similar situation. How long have you been divorced? Did you have an affair? When you are together doesn't feel like you are still married? any kids?I'm so glad you read my post and responded, now I have someone to compare notes with. I know I have to get away from the om. I send the ex cards every once in a while. I'm a card person. I send him one of fathers day, x-mas, valentines, birthday and just recently he took my daughter to Poland (he was born there) for 2 weeks and I took care of his dog and the house. I made this huge welcome home sign and left a card on his pillow saying that I really, really missed him and thank him for sharing Poland with our daughter. He has not told me not to send him cards, so I still do. I don't get really mussy-gussy though. No physical, except about 2 years ago I told him I was horny and tried to start something, but he couldn't perform so I haven't since, except when he came home from Poland, I ran into his arms and kissed him. Your right, I feel like I am in a game, when does this game end?
I know ex probably thinks I am still sleeping with om. when daughter sleeps over I sleep in another room. My sister lives out of state and my parents just took in my grandmother so thats out. The ex has a two family that I was supposed to get from the divorce but I let him have it because I knew he could take care of it and we had wanted to sell the house and use the money for our daughter's college fund. I asked him to let me know if one of his tenants move out to let me know. I didn't get a reaction from him. I could go to a women's shelter but I really don't want my daughter to be exposed to that--she deserves better. I'm still trying to pay the lawyer off from the dirovce 3 yrs ago! I stopped giving the om any money for bills from the house, I am trying to save every penny I can.
Quoting AnitaSues: I know ex probably thinks I am still sleeping with om. when daughter sleeps over I sleep in another room. My sister lives out of state and my parents just took in my grandmother so thats out. The ex has a two family that I was supposed to get from the divorce but I let him have it because I knew he could take care of it and we had wanted to sell the house and use the money for our daughter's college fund. I asked him to let me know if one of his tenants move out to let me know. I didn't get a reaction from him. I could go to a women's shelter but I really don't want my daughter to be exposed to that--she deserves better. I'm still trying to pay the lawyer off from the dirovce 3 yrs ago! I stopped giving the om any money for bills from the house, I am trying to save every penny I can.
here's a thought? how often does your dd spend the night with you? why not stay at a womans shelter and then on the nights that you would be seeing dd ask if she could spend the night at home...if this doesn't work for xh because he wont be home as if you could stay on the couch. explain to him why. the longer you stay in the home of the om the longer you are going to be confused and used...and honestly inmho the faster you get away from him the better and not simply for the possible reconcile with xh but for yourself (I've read enough of your other thread to know that you and I both know he's no good)
Maybe you could begin a thread in the MLC forum with a title that would let guys know that you're offering insight and asking for insight too. Like: " I'm a WAW Who Wants To Go Home" or something along those lines.
I think you probably have a great deal to offer them and they to offer you.
And JMHO, but I think it is a good idea for you to initiate a lunch date, or any casual date with XH. And DON'T make it for the purpose of a R talk, make it a "get to know each other again" kind of day. You may have a long way to go to rebuild trust and a friendship before reconciliation is even a realistic issue for you to deal with.
You can't expect your XH to welcome you into his arms when you're still with OM. You can't continue to have sex with OM either. You're not a child, you have the freedom to choose to be responsible for your own actions. Your XH is not going to be a "soft landing" for you to escape your current relationship, unfortunately, you burned that bridge when you chose OM over XH.
And like another poster said, no matter what happens YOUR daughter wins if you and H can be true co-parents no matter what. T2
lostinlove--my daughter sleeps over every weekend. I drive every tues and thurs for 40 minutes to see and take her to dance class. On Sunday all three of us go to church together. I would ask him to sleep on the couch but I already asked if I could rent one of his apts. he didn't suggest anything so I didn't want to push it. Plus, right now, I guess nothing matters until I move out. Ex is helping me this weekend pick up an enterment center from my sister's house for my apt. ex is storing it in the garage for me. I was a little taken back yesterday. I came to drop of d when I came in the computer was on, I started to walk towards it when the ex practially pushed me over saying no, no and turned the screen and quickly started clicking--I think he was looking a porn again. I suppose I want him to be perfect in every way and everyone has there faults but I felt so disappointed. I know, I'm still sleeping with the OM. but I know he looks at porn because our daughter found that out by accident. I haven't told him.
