WAW New life with OM

[25yearsmlc]

PP,

good job reading the books and figuring out how to GAL. Here are a few things my DB coach said that were sometimes hard as heck to do, but helped in my sitch.

DB coach said to "keep the road home paved and smooth" so I suggest you not involve the entire world with the M issues. Come here to vent, talk to mc or a minister, etc. but don't tell everyone or she'll feel cornered and defensive and will spend time and energy justifying her actions, instead of listening to the tiny voice in her head that is saying, "wth are you doing?" Let that voice be heard and she won't hear it if she feels attacked. Her idiotic excuses to her friend are examples of her trying to quiet the conscience that is starting to nag at her...
GAL so if and when she does take a second look at you, she'll see that the excuses and rationalizations were just that; and her "data" about you isn't real. In fact, contrast the negative crap she's coming up with, with positive images that are the 180's. If she says you were never passionate, show passion about a cause or get super involved in the kids' lives which is a good thing anyway. You have some compensation to do for your kids b/c they are sooo hurt right now. NEVER FORGET THEIR PAIN no matter how much you feel yours...

And I think Puppy put some quote out here about not trying to understand the irrational. And not jumping for joy when the WAS is merely polite, but not to get depressed when they aren't warm and fuzzy. This is about YOU GAL for YOU and your kids....

Inducing guilt in her won't work and usually backfires --as I noticed my h would end up lashing out at me rather than facing what HE had done unilaterally. DB coach said not to worry about showing him the consequences of his actions as life would do that for him. It's not our job to do that anyhow. We have to move on and do our best for the kids and GAL, etc. ...and pleading and being needy and clingy don't work. And they are NOT attractive.

For the time you've been in this sitch, you are doing really well. A fast learner. Give it time. More time than you think you can. You will have to.

(( j ))