Sorry I haven't been much help to you. My plate has been kind of full but I intend to get caught up. Thanks for your advice again. It helps to have someone that isn't in the middle, you know. Thanks again.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sorry I haven't been much help to you. My plate has been kind of full but I intend to get caught up. Thanks for your advice again. It helps to have someone that isn't in the middle, you know. Thanks again.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Currently detaching from S. Staying as dark as possible.
Here is my question. As we split custody of the kids. I have them Tues/Wed (pick up from her house after work) and every other weekend Friday through Sun. I am having a difficult time getting what I believe to be the "full effect" of going dark out of this.
We obviously see each other frequently. I stay focused on the kids and no R talk. Only discussing financial or kid issues.
No calls or texts during day unless absolutely necessary. How effective do you think this will be?
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I know I haven't read your whole situation but it sounds as if you do try to remain civil when you interact. In my situation, bad days aside, Ex comes before I get home to get them. I do usually see him when he drops them off but I don't usually make eye contact or even small talk. It is just easier this way.
In my case I didn't find this site until he had already filed and it had been about 3 months into that process. I would have had a much better chance if I had discovered this site early on. All of my internet searches were about trying to understand affairs and how they happened, not about stopping a divorce since we weren't at that point. Hope that helps.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Wish I had some advice for you. Going totally dark is really hard because of the kids. When I did try it, all he got out of me as far as pick up/drop off was hi, have fun, and bye. he hated it. he couldn't stand it. that was the night he was yelling at me on the phone about how much longer we were going to do this. lmao, stupid, you want a divorce, remember, so FOR-EV-VER....
You can only do so much. Good luck!
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Kinda what I was thinking. I just try and keep it focused on the kids and interact with them. We still have to talk about them and money so I can't completely go dark. Oh well...I guess you can only do what you can do.
Hopefully as I comletely stop interacting with her personally or in regards to the R it will have an effect.
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
She txtd me this afternoon and asks me how my day was... Not about kids or money or anything like that. I don't want to be rude by ignoring her. but I think I am keeoing her comfortable and enabling the "I just want to be friends" routine.
About the same time she emailing some guy I don't know asking how his day was. Not the OM from her EA recently. Keep in mind she was checking out single guys on her MySpace search as late as last Friday night after I went to bed before I moved out the next day.
She is non-commital on keeping third parties out of our marriage as she see's if her feelings return during Sep.
Should I completely stop conversing with her in this manner if she is asking how my day went or other R type questions. I feel like she is reaching out to me because I am familiar but isn't doing anything to move back towards the R with me. In fact she is "trolling" other men.
I would appreciate male and female perspectives here. Is this a form of cake eating?
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
