Kai, do you know how old your H was during the abuse? I ask because I too was molested as a child (though not by my parents, thank God). I didn't consciously remember any details of the abuse until, after going through counselling and being married for years, suddenly, while having sex, an image floated into my mind. I could feel my mind crashing it shut after a split second. It happened a few more times, and I realized it's all there in my memory, it's just that my mind refuses to access it. But it's as though, as long as I didn't deal with the anger, pain, etc, it was very hard to "focus" on my life ... as if a huge part of my energy wasn't accessible. Once I finally forgave my abuser, I changed, and felt a lot more confident about myself. Even so, I've read that when the abuser dies (which mine hasn't yet) there are huge repercussions. If your H has not dealt with his abuse (compounded by his mother's complicity), it's a massive trigger for depression.
As for whether it's an MLC--from the evidence I've gathered, they often strike men who have deep unresolved issues, who were "silenced" as children, who had abusive parents, who are "Nice Guys" that never learned to deal with their anger or emotions, who have very low self-esteem--which seems consistent with the picture you're painting? Another factor can be that they've missed a stage in their normal development, and need the chance for a do-over (of, say, adolescent rebellion).
You say your H is only 41. Mine was 39 when his mother died and his MLC began. He, too, dived into sports, new haircut, new (younger) music. He said things like, "I've had to be responsible all my life; now it's time for me." He started connecting emotionally with other women. It wasn't so much a stated fear of aging, but of missing out on things in life.
To me, your H's confusion, rewriting of your history, etc, sound like MLC. You'll soon know if it really is one, as he'll find that changing the people and accessories in his life still don't make him happy, and he'll look more and more miserable and "alien."
