I don't know that she cares much right now about consequences.
Has anyone ever confronted the OM in a matter of fact and civilized way?
NOT recommended. Confronting the OM only makes you look weak, elevates him in importance beyond what you want (think the President of the United States, agreeing to a face-to-face with some rogue terrorist leader), and it's often difficult to keep your emotions in check. I think you have to ask yourself (as I see this often) if you're doing it in lieu of confront who you SHOULD be confronting, and that is your WIFE.
Finally, the mistake that gets made is that you assume that the OM is an honorable man. He is not -- HE IS A PREDATOR. He is fooling around with a married woman, and he is NOT to be trusted. And that leads me to the final problem I have with the approach is that betrayed spouses tend to use the info they gain from the OM/OW and find truth and comfort in their assurances, and these people are liars who do NOT have your marriage's best interests at heart!!!
