Que Sera, Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

[lemonsnap]

I think I am dying inside. We went to the MC tonight - each for an individual session. H went first, and then me. While H was talking with MC, I was thinking how proud I was of him for attending with me.

When it was my turn to meet, MC talked with me for a bit and gently let me know that H has NO intentions of working on our relationship or saving our marriage. He holds out NO hope for an improvement and is NOT interested in working to better it.

We married 6 months ago...

MC told me that she had so much hope for us before this session, that she knows that we could overcome our issues and be stronger together and better for the hardships that we've faced. However, since H isn't interested in this, there's going to be a lot less that she's able to do for our situation.

H asked MC to help me understand that he only wants a friendship and that he wants us to have a healthy, workable relationship together - as just friends.

While before I had understood that was the status quo at this time - that he needed to step back, separate for a bit and have some time to think, I didn't realize that his mind was made up. This is so final.

I told MC that I was not able to just give in and accept only a friendship with my H. I told her that I needed to try, to fight for our R. She agreed and said she would do the same thing in my situation, but warned me how hard it would be.

She says that he is basically suffering from PTSD and has withdrawn into himself- H says that 80% of this is due to the infidelity of mine in 2005. He is completely black and white on the issue - NOT interested in pursuing a relationship aside from a friendship.

Please - I need some help to get through this. All of my hopes, dreams and beliefs about our relationship and our future have imploded...

I know I will need to buck up and get on with things, but tonight I really am just shattered. Thanks for any support you can offer.

I would really love to get some feedback from others regarding the latest with my situation. My PMA is currently in the basement, although I'm fighting to get it back to a healthy level. I think last night was the saddest I've ever felt in my whole life. I feel like my entire foundation is crumbling...