As for not focusing on her liking someone else is the hardest thing I wll ever have to do. This whole thing is stuck in my mind and I cant shake it.
Sometimes I wish my W would have used some of the advice she got here and stuck with it. There were a few times she did the opposite of that and it made me very upset and confused.
Ive asked a couple times for her to go see a counciler with me whom Ive seen a few times and this guy in one visit knew what caused our martial problems and I know if she went with me we could save our marriage and our family.
Most of your post, I highlighted some above, is focused on your W. I think one of the most basic DB principles is you need to focus on yourself, and not what your W is doing or not doing, in the past or present. Let all that go. You are responsible for a lot of what is going on in your life now, and you should work on that stuff.
Yes, your W may not have been a perfect DBer all the time. None of us are. We all do our best, and when we make mistakes, resolve to do better in the future. Sometimes it's 2 steps forward and one step back.
AA might be the most important thing you can do. My brother and my H both are AA members and it's saved their lives I think. And MC might be able to help your R, I think it would have helped many of the couples here, but if you both aren't willing to go for whatever reason, then you should focus on IC and do that. Work on making yourself the best, strongest, healthiest, and happiest you. I was kind of messed up and depressed in 2007 and I don't know that it would have been possible for me to have a good, healthy R or M until I worked on myself. Karen
