Retrouvaille saved me - AN #3

[AnotherNightmare]

Yes, listening to or reading other couple's stories can be a real eye-opener (or heart-opener). It is still so unreal to me how I was able to recognize how my childhood experiences created my behavior patterns of today. And every time I go through my story in my mind, when I talk to my W or writing it down, I discover something new.

My W has opened up since Sunday night as well. She has told me things from her childhood as well (much less dramatic than mine). And she identified her role in this drama as well. She tried to rescue me time and time again. She tried to protect me from myself.

My W told me that it is not the pain from the past that she cannot get over. She has pretty much put that behind her. Her biggest obstacle to trusting me and herself again is that she is afraid we assume the same roles again when some of the intensity of our experience has worn off. She told me this morning that she thinks she has been playing this role every once in a while in our conversations since Sunday. I validated this, and I said maybe we both need to give each other more space to deal with this, we need to stop trying to solve each other's problems, and we need to start just listening, not offering solutions or filling in the gaps, just asking questions when you do not understand and validating.

I hope some of this will come up in the post-sessions. I am also planning to discuss this with my IC. I really want make this work once and for all.