Now, let me get this straight..., you didnt let her say what she wanted to, changed the subject on several occasions and THEN you told her she CAN call you up anytime to talk if she needed to... I guess your plan is to NOT let her talk then either, right? Good job John, good job...
Sun dried, I did listen (alot). But I also politely changed the subject from her mom to "her". What she was doing in "her" life and how she felt about "herself".
I am just quoting one of Ali's guys.....I have no idea what most of this stuff means......for me and much less your hubby.
It's a beautiful gift and skill to guide people to talk about themselves and how things effect them rather than listen to them blame another. How wonderful for your stepdaughter that she has you.. and that you aren't manipulated into bad mouthing her mom.
No fresh stains....trying to cut down on the pasta these days. Those sauce stains are pretty stubborn to remove.
Went out for supper with a lady I met during the Christmas holidays...she needed someone to talk to. My experience on these boards has made me a good listener ..... Anyhow, I think I should start charging...stepdaughter...now this lady. The worst part is not only do i not charge but I pick up the tab for supper. Oh well....at least i don't eat alone.
So i am reading along that Superior man book someone suggested i pick up. So now the problem I have identified is that my realtionship (family) was more important to me than my purpose in life???? Hmm guess I better start working on a purpose before I jump into another relationship or i will screw up again. All kidding aside, I am discovering that perhaps becasue I like to please people around me so much, my XW may have taken on more masculine roles and me more feminine ones....that may have contributed to our problems. Don't you love these self help books? Anyhow, I need to switch my mindset to the future when i read this stuff and not the past. Spent the day yesterday shopping with D8 and then took her to her friends BDay party at an indoor pool for a couple of hours. Speaking of D8, she is acting up a little and I lost my temper a couple of times and raised my voice. She is very fragile because both times her eyes filled up with tears. What it boils down to is she is developping a little lazy streek which I never noticed before and when i ask her to do something (which is very rare and nothing major), she whines and i need to repeat several times. We had a nice talk before putting her to bed to...I agreed to not raise my voice and she agreed to be a lttle more "responsive". Anyhow, better get off the computer ... I think D8 and i will go ice skating today...
So i am reading along that Superior man book someone suggested i pick up. So now the problem I have identified is that my realtionship (family) was more important to me than my purpose in life???? Hmm guess I better start working on a purpose before I jump into another relationship or i will screw up again.
Interesting...I wonder if the same applies to women as well because my relationship/family has always been more important to me than my purpose in life. I guess we'd better become a little more selfish and put purpose in life ahead of our family. I know that's what my WAH has always done/continues to do.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
"Love and Logic" is a great book that address parenting issues beautifully. And as wonderful as our kids are, they know how to exploit a situation if need be. I have to remind myself, "I am the parent, they are the child."
Who knows what is a superior man, a non codependent person, a guy with or without N.U.T.S. It comes down to the changes that make us better people, better equipped to handle the challenges and rewards of relationships, parenting and interactions with ourselves and others.
I figure.. just be the best person possible, listen to others and your positive inner voice and be willing to learn.
