So, it has been almost 2 and a half years since he pulled back initially. From the beginning, even after moving out, he isn't sure about his decision because he comes around within the first month. He knows you know, and serves papers after 6 months. Two months later, he isn't sure about his decision. You don't talk to him at the game, you pull back....he decides to work things out. His family is no help. For about a year, it looks like he told you that there was no contact (other than at work), but you find that there probably has been. He makes promises, but doesn't follow through. He calls off divorce proceedings, though. He continues to take calls from her, but yet buys you a new car. He goes to social events with you, but continues to allow her to call him.
My advice is similar to the rest. You have given him much time to make a decision, and he can't seem to do this by himself. He is in limbo. I believe he will remain here until you tell him you can't live this way. He wants to come back to you, but the OW has a pull that keeps him coming back.
Sit down with him. Have a conversation. Yes, a relationship talk. You love him, and want to be married to him. He needs to either get a new job, fire the secretary, or allow you to work side by side with him at all times. He needs to recommit to the marriage by moving back home, going to counseling, reading books, etc. Any contact from OW should immediately be told to you. New phones. The whole shabang.
I believe he will not commit until you require him to. He will "kinda commit", but never truly commit. That's not fair to you or your kids, Yoyo.
