"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. _________________________
I agree with that. Keep it between just the two of you. If he doesn't listen, bring a couple other people over and all talk about it. Then,bring the church into it. If all else fails, then out it all the way.
From what I gather, many people "go all the way" right away, in a fit of rage, not for the good of the family or to try to save their marriage. Sometimes, it seems vindictive instead.
I know, in my situation, if I was dealing with others knowing right now, .......I don't know if I'm strong enough of a person. I'd like to think I was..maybe I am. I don't know. Reputation is everything. It's your everyday life. The few people that do know, haunt my thoughts. Yes, I have repented and I have learned from my mistakes and have gone forth to not sin again, but when other people know it is more than working through your emotions and faults. People never look at you the same again. If your kids know, they never see you the same. I know you can bring positives in it, and some kids are really good at learning from the whole experience, but I just hate the thought of them having to deal with this stuff. Kids have so many other things in their little lives to worry about. I'm, of course, home with a very young child so maybe if he was older I would think differently. I don't know.
When I had the affair, I knew deep down it was wrong. If my H came to me and said he knew about it and to stop it, I would have. He wouldn't have needed to tell my family, friends, work, etc. I would have hated him for it. I'm not sure, but I may have even wanted to justify it even more with that many people knowing.
So, I guess that's my viewpoint. You never know until you are in that position. But, I would go with telling your spouse first, then bringing a couple people into it, then the church, then everyone. That seems the best route to me.
Luckily, I knew it was wrong, prayed hard, and was able to tell my H on my own, and practically do my own DBing on myself. If your spouse can come to this realization on their own, that's better than any exposure. Believe me, the pain of guilt/remorse/flashbacks are all enough to kill the fantasy each and every time now.
