My first step out of Newcomers

[Can it work]

Finally, I slept well last night!! Not sure if it's cos my mother stayed over or not. Maybe I was just so tired that it eventually caught up with me. Wee Man was up a couple of times through the night but not for very long. I feel a lot better for it today.

So, I dropped Wee Man off with his mother this morning. I wasn't expecting her there to be honest since she normally works on a Thursday. She's apparently taking some holidays though. She was as cold as ever towards me but I'm past caring now. Truth is, she never was a morning person so maybe that's what it is. I feel a bit guilty about it but I took pleasure in the fact that when I asked Wee Man if he wanted to go to his mummy, he started crying a clinging on to me. I know it's hard for him being moved around like this but I take comfort in the fact that he enjoys his time with me.

Last night was priceless with him! I gave him a cookie after his dinner and he was loving it. The dog took an interest in the cookie though and started following him around the room. Every now and again, Wee Man would turn around and chase the dog away. The entire time he was doing this, he was laughing harder than I've heard him laugh in ages. Writing it down doesn't really do the moment justice now that I read back over what I've written. I guess you had to be there.

I agree with what you say about feeling looked after when family is staying over PM. Rightly or wrongly though, I kind of feel a bit like a failure when I ask them to stay. I feel guilty for not managing on my own. I know in my head that's nonsense since I'm quite capable of coping on my own. It's hard to explain. It's like I want to keep proving to myself that I can do this on my own. I guess I'm trying to prove it to other people too. I really don't want people to think that my W leaving me has destroyed me as it does other guys I know. I continue to shower, shave and look my best every day, even on the days I feel like shutting myself away from the world. My shirts for work are always pristenely clean and wrinkle-free. For anyone visiting, my house is always spotless. Add that to my full time job and part-time single parenthood, it's a lot of hard work but worth it I think. I have to project the image of a successful, single man. Is it evil and wrong to hope that my W struggles to cope a wee bit when she moves in to her own place? Not to the detrement of Wee Man but just enough for her to sit up and take notice about how well I can cope alone. To be honest, I don't think she will struggle though. She's a great mother and was always immaculately clean when we lived together. She'll never have to worry about rushing about in the morning to get Wee Man ready and herself ready before heading work. It's only me who has to do that.

Anyhoo, I'm rambling. I've got a few things to do at work today so I'm going to try and keep myself busy. Got Wee Man again at the weekend so I'm not going to be on my own for long.