Well... We didn't end up talking last night...I called...left a message...she texted me an hour later saying that the phone had woken the baby - and that she fell asleep trying to get him back to sleep. Whether or believe her or not doesn't matter...But was I was pleased that it just didn't bother me that she didn't answer...I simply ended up sending her an email saying sorry we didn't get a chance to talk...and left it at that.
I'm going to sign the lease for my new apartment tomorrow - and right now I feel good about that. I drove by the neighborhood tonight - and, my goodness, it is just so peaceful and quiet over there. The apartment is near the base of the mountain in east Pasadena, so there's just not much reason for people to driver around out there - and so the streets are very empty and quiet...and just look like they would be great to bike ride around with my boys.
I also had an easy time imagining walking over to the park with my boys. The playground seems to have a bit of everything - so plenty of entertainment for both boys - and I'll get to hang out there and play with them like the silly dad I can be when I'm with them...sometimes I forget that I'm almost 40...
My mother is coming to town next week - on Tuesday - and will be here about two weeks. She's a lovely woman in many ways - but I do know that she can be a bit taxing at times...so I'm going to do my best to stay calm and appreciative while she's here - I'm mostly just glad that she'll get to spend so much time with my boys - especially S2 since she's not seen him in a long time.
As for B...well...what can I say? She's opted to let her past destroy our family - and that's her choice to live with now. I have a lot of pain because of it - and far more sadness than I ever thought I could have endured...but I know that I'll get through this okay. I just know it...I felt it tonight as I spent time out of this house...as I think this house has become something of a tomb for my spirit...and I look forward to getting out of it and feeling my spirit lift again.
Just some thoughts before going to bed.... -Carlos.
