PM Thread #4

[PositivelyMommy]

Hey Hope and Sandi, thanks for stopping by. I really really want to wait this out until he is over his A and then see how we feel about each other when he is off the 'love high'. But I feel like I am putting my life on hold. You see, my family lives elsewhere and I would love to move back to the same city as them, where my parents, my brother and his family all live. I would like my children to grow up with the extended family if they can't have their dad around. I'd like solid role models for them to look up to, male and female. I also enjoy living near my family where I can get their emotional support and I can give them support in return in times of stress or ill health or whatever. If I stay in the same city as my husband, I cannot do those things. I would have to fly back and forth. Plus right now, my H is very self-centered and thinks he's doing a great job as a dad but is hardly ever around and doesn't bond with the kids, more like a playdate than a parent.

I guess I need more and more patience to wait this A out. That is the encouragement I need, the more I write, the more I realize what I need.

I have always been his greatest cheerleader and friend. I don't want to ditch him in hard times. I believe in my vows, I want to be there in good times and bad regardless of how he treats ME.

Am I happy? No, not particularly, but I need to be true to myself. I would be happy if he snapped out of it and came home to work on our M, but like you all said, there are no promises. I would also be happy if I knew for sure that he WOULDN'T snap out of it then I can move on home with my family and start a new life. But feel right now, I am in limbo. Our pro-M C advises to give this time. He thinks there is a good chance H might reconsider but he is not making any guarantees. So I need some more patience. Maybe till the end of this year. By that time, it would have been almost two years. Maybe I just need a timeframe in mind so I feel I have some sort of control over this mess.