Now what to do?

[ted187]

I haven't posted in quite some time, but I'll give ya a quick run down, WAW left in June, moved in with OM in July. I filed in Sep for numerous reasons, anyways I didn't date anyone, although I had some opportunities, she was always on my mind, after I came to the realization she wasn't coming back I started to think about some of the women that were attracted to me, and I think it's time for me to date some of them. My question is I really feel a pull towards 1 of them,known her for awhile but never romantically involved, she now wants to be. I don't know why, she is very nice but I'm scared for some reason it may be a rebound thing, the last thing I want to do is hurt someone innocent, should I just keep turning her down? It's hard, I think I'm ready to date but I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I think that is what she wants from me. I need advice from someone who has had this happen.

[SteveInTN]

Ted,

All that you can do is be totally upfront and honest with any of the women that you meet. Explain to them, well before things have a chance to get serious, exactly where you are, how you are feeling, and what you are looking for at this time in your life. If you will do this then you'll be covered. For women who are wanting more, it might run them off. You might discover some women who are wanting the same thing. If you explain this and someone still "falls for you" and expects more, you are covered, and it is their own fault.

If you recognize up front that someone might want more than a "friendship" then perhaps it would be best to steer clear of them. Especially as a candidate for your first relationship out of the gates. If you think she is someone you MIGHT want to have a relationship with in the future, but know that you don't want it NOW, then you don't want to mess up anything. Just stay friends with her and find someone else to practice on.

Bottom line is that you cannot put off dating/meeting people for fear of hurting someone because you don't want a relationship. For me, this has been one of my single biggest issues since my D was final. I have known that I don't want a serious relationship and I have been very honest & upfront with the women that I have met. To date I've not made enemies of any of them, so I'm thinking that I've done a good job handling it.

You need to get off the sidelines and get back in the game!

[Sliver]

Ted,

Like Steve said just lay it all out there. Some will run for cover, some may be thinking the same way, and could completely care less.

What heppens to their feelings after that is on them. But you may find your more ready for someone being around than you think you are.

[SteveInTN]

Dating isn't like riding a bike, it takes some time to get back into the swing of things. I know for myself, I was one naive and thickheaded SOB when I first hit "the scene". Ease into it...

[Sliver]

Sorry to Hijack, but Steve, what do you mean by naive and thickheaded SOB? Just courious.

[SteveInTN]

Naive & Thickheaded, my gosh the list could be endless!

- Had no idea when a woman was flirting w/ me or interested
- Had no idea of how to conduct myself (don't talk about X)
- Had no idea on how to express my intentions and expecations
- Had no idea where to go to meet women
- Had no idea of what type of woman I wanted to meet

I could truly go on and on...

[Sliver]

Thanks for the feedback,
I was only axing because I felt off the charts awkward when I started going out. Now i've toned it down to just really really awkward

- Had no idea when a woman was flirting w/ me or interested

Yep, got full on yelled at by a dime for not responding one night.

- Had no idea of how to conduct myself (don't talk about X)

Im very conscius about not doing this.

- Had no idea on how to express my intentions and expecations

I want everything involved in a relationship without the relationship.

- Had no idea where to go to meet women

Me neither. Suggestions?

- Had no idea of what type of woman I wanted to meet

So far I've narrowed it down to Human .


regardless I still don't think you know your ready until you take a swing, right? And if you are going to have to deal with a learning curve anyway, why not get the sucking at it part out of the way?

I'm just looking for a little guidance from someone that has been down this road before.


I will now return this thread to its rightful owner.
Sorry Ted.

[Gypsy]

Lots of good ideas and ways of handling things!

Thanks!

*hugs*

[ted187]

well thanks for the good info, kind of things I thought all along, but it's nice to see someone else's perspective put into words. I will have to say this site through it all has been one of the best things I ever found, I'll keep ya posted on how things go! thanks again

[ted187]

HA HA I did have to laugh at the type of woman your looking for "human" he he he I think that's about what I've got it narrowed down to as well!