I am new here, but I am also dealing with a depressed spouse that is LD even without the depression. He also will not go to the dortor no matter what, so I investigated other avenues and found a lot of info about the vitamin and nutrient deficiencies. Since my H wanted me off his back he agreed to take vitamins and natural suplements (he thinsk they are BS ) I, on the other hand, was ready to try anything. Get on the Internet, buy one of many books on the subjects. The following is what I found out and in our case is working great. I give him Omegas (3 and 6) think fish oil, flaxseed oil, multivitamin of good quality, a viatmin B family pill, folic acid, zinc and a couple of other things I can't remember the name of . Anyway, my point is, if your wife is willing, do the research and give her those natural suplements for at least a couple of months and hopefully you will see progress like I did.
I appreciate your comments and suggestions, while I know there are many things that would help her, she is adamantly against taking anything to "make it better". Unless it improves naturally, over time, she is strangely not interested in any "help". According to her, she had a checkup last year and everything was "fine". I am certain they didn't test for any of the problems that are there. I can only keep my mouth shut if I don't want her to run off, perhaps doing something foolish.
Corri,
Glad it made you happy but I am no closer to any solution. Actually, it seems I am farther than ever because what is going on is so serious.
I'm not okay. I need some time to think, I'll be away from the board for a few weeks or so, unless something significant happens. Don't worry. I just need to consider my options.
I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'm not. Depression kills libido probably faster than just about anything else. But like Corrie said, now you've at least identified the enemy. Probably one the best things you can do now is to have a conversation with her doctor. She may have checked out "fine" last year, but doctors may only check on what they're asked to check, and the "obvious" things to always be worried about. I suspect that if the Dr. knows that there is major depression going on, there are other tests s/he will want done. One test you really should have her doctor run the next time she's in is a thyroid function. Often people can be on the low side of "normal" for the population as a whole, but that level for them is really insufficient. There's a book title on that one, and I'll try to find it for you.
I'm sorry that your wife won't even consider medication - it's not the answer for everyone, but it certainly can help. If nothing else, it can be taken for an initial period of time until the talk therapy or other methods can start working. In fact, that's what we're doing with our one son right now.
If it will help -- you can judge -- I'd recommend that you check out an article that Consumer Reports did a few years ago on psychotherapy. I raise this because your wife might consider them to be more objective. I just checked my index, and the article was in the November 1995 issue, with a short follow-up in the December 95 issue. There were a number of caveats, but unless my memory fails me, they found positive results, and indicated a number of ways to increase your odds of a successful outcome. Just remember, eight years is a long time in terms of research findings for these conditions today. But check it out, and if you think it might help, refer her to it.
Also, I know my wife has a number of books on the subject; I'll try to find you some titles, although I might take a little while. As far as your wife wanting the situation to resolve itself with no outside intervention (medical, mental health, medication, nutrition, etc.), that's highly unlikely. There is a real, physiological/psychological process going on here, and it probably won't go away on its own. Add to that the fact that she probably even can't imagine it being gone at this point -- my wife couldn't -- and you may need to be a little more insistent than you would normally be. Work with a professional, but don't let her put this off indefinitely.
Again, of course, remember that if your wife "relents" and tries medication, most also dampen libido. As I think I posted earlier, our mutual hope (certainly mine more than hers) when my wife went on Prozac was that lifting the depression would balance out the medication side effect; no such luck. But she is happier the rest of the time, so it's still an overall benefit to the relationship and the family.
Good luck; I wish you the best. Like you, even when I'm hurting I can't really conceive of leaving my wife; I love her too much. Keep praying and hanging on!
Last edited by VAnot4lovers; 10/28/0301:24 AM.
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
I'll keep this short: here are a sampling of the books I mentioned in my previous post. > Tired of Being Tired: Rescue, Repair, Rejuvenate by Jesse Lynn Hanley, Nancy Deville
> When Your Body Gets the Blues: The Clinically Proven Program for Women Who Feel Tired, Stressed, and Eat Too Much! by Marie Annette Brown, Jo Robinson
> Living Well with Hypothyroidism: What Your Doctor Doesn't Tell You... That You Need to Know by Mary J. Shomon
Also, again proceeding under the assumption that she might be willing to at least look at an objective source, this is a link to the Mental Health page at Dr. Weil.com.
Again, you're in my prayers; good luck and hang in there!!
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
I have been horribly depressed with my sit. for years. It all came to a head in July. Finally admitted that I needed help and went to the Doctor who put me on a low dose of Paxil. I resisted filling the prescription for about a month, but finally had to give it a try, the black pit was just too deep and I was drowning.
It has taken the edge off the pain which has really helped me focus on what I need to do to regain my self worth and my confidence. Might not work for everybody, but worth a try. Sometimes you just have to ask for help and I was way beyond that. I am starting to regain myself again.
Think about it for yourself. I know that this is not or everyone but wanted to let you know about my sit. I still am angry that I have to take this crap to deal with things right now, but C'est la Vie. Much better than some of the alternatives....Take care.
Results Support Need for More Outreach, Education, and Support
NEW YORK, NY, October 22, 2003 -(HealthNewsDigest.com)... Results of a nationwide online survey of more than 1,000 women released today by the National Women's Health Resource Center (NWHRC) found that there are still misperceptions surrounding depression that prevent women from acknowledging their depression and seeking proper treatment, regardless of their age. The survey also shows that even though an overwhelming majority of women have been depressed or have known someone who has depression, nearly half of respondents will not visit their healthcare provider because they perceive depression as a weakness or personality flaw that does not require medical attention.
"Considering that one in four women will suffer from depression at some point in their lives, it is startling that after decades of educational initiatives and major advancements in treatment options, so few women realize that help is available," said Amy Niles, President and CEO, NWHRC. "At every age, women should know that depression is a treatable condition and that there are effective ways to manage it so women are able to live normal, productive lives. We urge all women who are experiencing the symptoms of depression to reach out for the treatment they deserve."
According to a study published in the June 18 issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA), the majority of depressed individuals are not adequately treated. Studies have also shown that depression in women is misdiagnosed approximately 30 to 50% of the time. The NWHRC survey results may suggest that this could be attributed to women's preference to turn to friends or family members rather than a medical practitioner, thus prolonging the proper diagnosis and initiation of treatment for their illness.
Depression Throughout a Woman's Life
Women have different perceptions of depression depending on their life stage, according to the survey. The majority (75%) agree that life changes, such as moving, marriage, birth, divorce and growing older, are among the main causes of depression at every age. Women in their 20's, 30's and 40's also think that their own peer group is at greatest risk for depression.
The 18-29 year-olds recognize that they are at risk for depression despite their young age, yet they report not seeking professional help due to the negative stigma associated with this condition. In fact, only 9% of younger women are willing to begin a discussion about depression with their doctor. In contrast, women in their 40s, who may be more confident with their life experience and less affected by social pressures, report being the most comfortable talking to their doctor about depression
Women in the 30-39 year old age group, the childbearing/childrearing years, recognize the high risk associated with this time, since they may be undergoing one of the major physical, psychological, and social stresses in their life. Childbirth is gaining recognition as a major risk factor in the development of depression, yet almost a quarter of the women in the 30-39 year old age group point specifically to financial concerns as the greatest impact on their lives.
Women in the 40-49 year old age group also appear to be well educated about depression and recognize the importance of mental health, with more than 50% noting that the condition is best treated with prescription medication. In comparison, the 18-29 year old age group's perception of depression as a serious medical condition varied drastically, with nearly three-quarters responding that depression is best managed with treatments other than prescription medication.
"Ironically, while 95% of the women surveyed recognize that depression is a treatable condition, the survey confirms that stigma continues to erode women's confidence and prevents them from seeking medical attention," said Donnica Moore, M.D., a leading women's health expert. "Reversing negative perceptions about depression will help women, at every age, feel more comfortable initiating a dialogue with their physicians, which is a critical step towards getting effective treatment."
About the Women and Depression Survey
The Women and Depression survey, which was posted on the NWHRC Web site (www.healthywomen.org) in August 2003, was conducted to explore the impact of depression on the lives of women and how perceptions of depression vary among different age groups. More than 1,000 individuals participated in the survey, revealing important information about depression in women. The survey was supported by an unrestricted educational grant from Forest Pharmaceuticals.
To order a free copy of "Women and Depression," call 1-877-986-9472 or click here
Gotto go take my son to a Halloween Party -- I hope this helps!
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
) I, on the other hand, was ready to try anything. Get on the Internet, buy one of many books on the subjects. The following is what I found out and in our case is working great. I give him Omegas (3 and 6) think fish oil, flaxseed oil, multivitamin of good quality, a viatmin B family pill, folic acid, zinc and a couple of other things I can't remember the name of . Anyway, my point is, if your wife is willing, do the research and give her those natural suplements for at least a couple of months and hopefully you will see progress like I did.