I know what to do. Just need the support.

[noedphi]

Can't believe I locked my thread. I want to thank everybody who has helped me so far. Thanks for sticking with me. Puppy thanks for waking me up. Robx you have helped me a lot so far. Singledad, JDOllie and all the rest. Sorry just going off memory. every bit from everybody has kept me going. This place is awesome.

[noedphi]

so today when I leave for work I say bye and she does not even look at me when she says bye. But as I was sitting in my truck listening to some preaching and getting ready to drive home from work she text me to tell me she was getting her hair cut and was picking up dinner for me. Go figure. It was a good evening.

[noedphi]

I almost forgot 1 thing she said during our talk. I would like some feedback on what it means, if anything. Can't remember the exact thing she said. It was something like as we work on our friendship she wants to be good enough friends to where when I meet someone I can go to her and tell her about some other girl and ask what do you think. Is she freakin kidding??? I just told her how I felt about the M.

[Tia]

Noedphi,

On the bright side, she is confused. Confusion is better than divorced. She is still interested in you. Confused people say things that they do not mean. You are already married, and do not need to involve a third party. We already know that. I would read Michele's Last Resort Technique over and over again; then, implement it. If you REACT to her words right now, it'll backfire. If she speaks nonsense, do not argue. Remember that love is action word, and not a feeling. Just act AS IF you are friends, keep busy, and stay away from the "I love you's". Believe in your vows. Patience is key. If you need to refresh yourself on Michele's techniques, please start with the Advice from Wise DB'ers.

Keep love alive,
/Tia

[noedphi]

so what is up with my W. After her complaining about me being dark for a couple days she continues to be ?? When I leave in the morning. I said later and she yawned some sort of goodbye. Any idea how I should deal with this?

[volleydog]

Deal with what? I know it's hard but stop worrying about her and what she does...It took me a loooooog time to figure that out. Right now the ONLY thing you can do is work on bettering yourself FOR yourself.

If it was me I'd probably still say goodbye just don't worry about the response.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I almost forgot 1 thing she said during our talk. I would like some feedback on what it means, if anything. Can't remember the exact thing she said. It was something like as we work on our friendship she wants to be good enough friends to where when I meet someone I can go to her and tell her about some other girl and ask what do you think. Is she freakin kidding??? I just told her how I felt about the M.

I wanted to circle back on this, Noedphi. I'm not sure how you feel about it, so I don't want to put words into your mouth. But in my sitch, it was very important for me to tell my wife:

"If our marriage ends this way -- with you having an affair, lying about it, and refusing to work whatsoever on our marriage and our issues -- then I have absolutely ZERO INTEREST in being your friend once we're divorced. I'll be civil, and courteous, and we'll work together as good co-parents for the sake of the kids, but I have NO interest in being your friend, much less your BEST friend."

THAT, absolutely stunned her. Most waywards have this fantasy of all of their loved ones -- including their spouse -- all being wonderfully "okay" with their new partner, and everyone living happily ever after. It's very important for them to "normalize" the illicit relationship as quickly as possible to friends and family.

Wasn't going to happen with me.]

Now, if she were to end the affair (as she did), and try to work on the marriage (and she has), but we just weren't able to get past some of our long-term issues (like SSM) and we were eventually to go our separate ways? Then sure, I could see remaining her best friend.

But not if she were cheating on me, and then lying to everyone about it, and refusing to even try.

Not sure how you feel. But IF you feel similarly, I'd strongly encourage you to communicate it to her at some point soon.

Puppy

[Still Waters]

"If our marriage ends this way -- with you having an affair, lying about it, and refusing to work whatsoever on our marriage and our issues -- then I have absolutely ZERO INTEREST in being your friend once we're divorced. I'll be civil, and courteous, and we'll work together as good co-parents for the sake of the kids, but I have NO interest in being your friend, much less your BEST friend."

I feel like I've somehow channeled the spirit of Puppy, because I said something almost exactly like this to my wife last week and it stunned her too. Just shows you how delusional and scrambled some of these WAS are. They have an affair, they leave you, they lie to you and deceive you, they refuse to even try to work on the marriage, and yet they expect you to be okay with everything and be their bestest buddy for life.

[MomInPain]

"If our marriage ends this way -- with you having an affair, lying about it, and refusing to work whatsoever on our marriage and our issues -- then I have absolutely ZERO INTEREST in being your friend once we're divorced. I'll be civil, and courteous, and we'll work together as good co-parents for the sake of the kids, but I have NO interest in being your friend, much less your BEST friend."

Puppy,

I wonder if this would work if I reword it for my sitch. Not 100% about H having an A, but he refuses to work on our issues. But he want's to be friends.

Right, so you want to erase 18 years of our lives with out batting and eye, but you want to be friends? Ya, um I don't think so.

Sorry for the hijack.

[noedphi]

"If our marriage ends this way -- with you having an affair, lying about it, and refusing to work whatsoever on our marriage and our issues -- then I have absolutely ZERO INTEREST in being your friend once we're divorced. I'll be civil, and courteous, and we'll work together as good co-parents for the sake of the kids, but I have NO interest in being your friend, much less your BEST friend."

I actually DO feel this way. This will probably be said soon. Not sure exactly when. But due to finances I will have to wait until we move. And that looks to be soon.