All of these efforts have not prevented her from relapsing into sleeping elsewhere behaviors.
I think all your efforts are worthy ones CL. And the truth is, nothing you can do will prevent her from the behavior. But hopefully, if you can find the way to connect with her, she will choose to do some changing as well. Whether the behavior changes or not, you know that you have learned and evolved. That's quite an accomplishment in itself.
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I think my W is correct about my defensvieness and reactivity around her. I need to become more aware of those patterns.
She could very well be right. Who wouldn't be defensive in your sitch?! (This is coming from a mommy who was very defensive and reactive to three rambunctious kiddos this evening...it's natural...and I need to work on it too.)
I remember when I first found the boards, in my reading, there was a post by a veteran who talked about 'getting it', detaching, doing things out of one's own will rather than in response to the actions of others, in essence, willfully choosing to act rather than react. It took a while for it to make sense, because I was still in raw-anguished-controlling mode. But it does make sense now. Funny thing is, it's something that has to be continually practiced, but it's like anything else, the more you do it, the better you become at it.
And the better you become, the more confidence, strength, mystery, and attractiveness you radiate. I agree with Lanzo...your W needs a firm hand in ways, and you are ideally equipped to provide that with gentleness and compassion. Don't be afraid to find it.
