Yes, you're right--that is partially what's going on, absolutely. It's such a mixture of things and I am so confused and kind of scared by how bad I feel again. I really thought I was past that truly awful, miserable stage. It's hard to believe that a few months ago, when my fling began, I felt elated. I guess this is why they talk about a rollercoaster--because, boy, have I hit a low again.
Today I happened upon a bunch of photos of H&I from about 8-10 years ago, kissing, and with our first D when she was little. Those just killed me. I am back to ruminating about our R and how happy we were for so long, how totally devoted and in love--or so I thought. I think we did drift apart in recent years and I take responsibility for damaging the R in some ways (losing interest in sex was a big one for me). I just feel so walloped by it all over again. It feels like H's OW is the trigger--because it's making me wonder if he was having an affair (he swears he didn't start seeing her until he moved out, but I know this is a woman he's known for years) and I keep wondering what she has that I don't. My ego was so shattered and then restored and now it feels shattered again.
Anyway, I am just so glad these boards are still here for me because they (along with my incredible group of friends) saved me during those awful months.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
