What I’ve discovered appears to be some of the reasons for her loss of libido:
-differences in core values and beliefs at this point are apparently strong enough to be a turn off (this seems to be the biggest problem)
-kindness, generosity, helpfulness, supportiveness are not enough to overcome these differences. She says she respects and cares for me deeply but doesn’t love me in a romantic way.
-I don’t see life the way she does. What we each expect from it has evolved in different directions (according to her, doesn’t seem that different to me)
-my attitude about sex is offensive (I like it, want it a lot, think it should be fun and often)
-I find humor in sexual jokes/innuendo (immature?)
-my high sex drive is a major turn off
-my “scent” isn’t an attractant to her. I DO take showers, y’all know, and use cologne. Just seems like my chemistry isn’t right for her. Other women have told me the opposite so I figure it’s kinda like fitting puzzle pieces together: some work, others have to be trimmed or matched with a different piece.
These are things that came out yesterday in a discussion. She says she can feel my anguish (I’m not sure how, I thought I was keeping it to myself pretty well) every time she is around me and it is often too much for her to stand.
She has no idea if or when she will regain her interest in me and says that even if I changed my behaviors it wouldn’t be enough because it would be forced, not how I am naturally; she realizes that to change one’s core values may be impossible. She said she knows it is asking too much to ask me to change my personality but can’t help being turned off by those differences.
Well, folks, here I am standing in the eye of the storm, actually calm, but afraid to jump into the whirlwind around me. Not sure what to do about all this but I think I have to be really careful who I am around her. Somehow this doesn’t seem right that have to be on guard with everything I say and do but I want things to work between us. If I can I will change myself to be with her.
