Well the next leg of my journey will be starting soon.. I've found a place to live. H signed the lease with me otherwise I wouldn't have been approved. I haven't been at my job long enough and I'm not currently full time (although that will change once I move). H kept saying things like "our room" and blah blah blah... I kept telling myself to keep my distance... keep focusing on detaching.. Because complete disclosure was paramount for me to move forward. I told him months ago that we would not live together unless he stopped with the keeping stuff like facebook to himself.. that I would no longer allow him to keep me and our family as one section or his life that he keeps separate from everything else. Well he never did add me as a friend on facebook and I called him on it. He said that "when he moves back that he would like to keep his facebook to himself as his is own place".. and I told him that I would not accept that. That I had thought I made myself clear on that topic and that we were at an impasse. I truly believe he wants to have the cake eating. To pretend that he doesn't have this family and wife to all of these people that are supposedly his "friends" on there.. meanwhile having family life on the sly. It's disrespectful to me and I deserve MORE! Some of you may feel like I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill but it's how I feel. I think that if you can't show me EVERYTHING than there must be something to hide. Anyway, sounds like our separation is now permanent from his end. This is what he said "I wish I could just say that I wanted to come back but its hard knowing that I have the urge to leave. The thing you should know is I am not with anyone and in my mind I still want us to work. I feel that you relocating closer will help me adjust. All I can ask for is time."
I cannot deny that I am crushed even though at the same time I knew this was where it was heading.. but it still hurts. My hope is that it will only hurt tonight and that I will awake with new determination to live a wonderful life, without him, in the morning.
