His father died but believe it or not I cannot remember what year. I think maybe 2005. They were estranged after his father admitted to molesting him and the rest of the children. My h sent him an email asking him how he could have done what he did when we were told that he was sick but his father never responded. There is a special place in Hell for that man and for h's mother as well as far as I am concerned.
What appears to be more of a trigger is he got a promotion at work in 2000 and started getting very substantial bonuses at end of 2005. He does not have the education one would expect for the amount of money that he earned the last three years of our marriage and is always under stress about losing the job. Almost like he feels he is going to be "found out."
My h never raised his voice in 14 years together. Not once. I used to think that was good. Not anymore.
The only displays of anger I saw before we split was his frustration with the work that had to be done in the old house we bought (at his insistence). I asked him to paint the powder room one day. All he had to do was paint as I had done all the taping prep and he didn't speak all day. Sulking like a child really. He also got a little mad when I told him I needed help weeding the garden (it was huge).
I noticed that he was REALLY sick of the type of music we always listened too, constantly changing the station and saying "I'm so sick of that!" Very out of character.
He grew his hair a fair bit longer over the past few years and just before we split he started taking hair-loss pills (without telling me) because he started to lose his hair and was really concerned. Now I know why. He already had a pierced ear but doesn't wear an earring and also already had the tattoos. It's not about getting older in his case, I don't believe, as he is young (41) and looks a lot younger.
He is a very reserved, mild-mannered person. Hated any type of confrontation. Maybe he just can't get angry.
He didn't show any frustration with our families and seems to have reconnected a bit with his since our split. It seems that the only thing that has changed in his life is me.
