While I totally understand the sentiment of saying that to her( and I’ve even had those thoughts plenty of times), that would be too freaky for me to say to her and I don’t believe it would be productive.The reality is that there really is an old girlfriend that has declared that if I were available she would take me back without question...the scary part is that we are extremely compatible in many realms, including the physical and I’ve thought about her fondly over the years. It would be too comfortable to slip into, I must keep it totally off limits.
My wife knows that we were very close and that she(the ex) was open to being with me at one point. In fact, the wife has asked me several times if there was any possibility that she would take me back since we stopped communicating a year ago. My answer has been "NO absolutely not", although I know my ex would, in fact, welcome me with very open arms...and more. I don’t want my wife to think for a minute that there is a real possibility however because then she will encourage me to pursue that opening. This probably sounds strange, it’s like my wife has been really pushing me to find someone else, even saying that she was going to find me a f***friend herself. Really bizarre stuff. I can’t even pretend like there is an open door there.
It would REALLY screw things up. It’s only screwed up from my perspective right now, she's fine with our relationship; and there are so many good aspects to the relationship and the fact that we have a son still at home for several more years that I’m not willing to sacrifice even for my own well-being. I know that someday someone else or other conditions could make that decision for me and I wouldn’t be able to do much about it, at least my conscience will be clean, knowing that I didn’t walk out on my family (at least physically).
Man, if our sex life was reasonably closer to my needs I would be a very balanced and happy individual. You can’t believe how pissed off it makes me to have intimacy matter so much to me, I can’t help it, it matters a ton. When our sex life is not so smooth then its all I can think about, when it is smooth, then I much less obsessed with it.
If I actually said something along the lines of what you said I would have to be ready to back it up with the real deal. It would be an extremely risky crap shoot, a last ditch effort. I would have to be at the point where I was willing to lose my family. On the other hand, it is so crazy, it might just work to snap her back to reality. I don’t know. I’m afraid to take that risk.
There is a gem here that needs to be refined, however:
“sometimes I think the unwilling partners need a little dose of their own medicine. I don't think they realize just how cruel and hurtful such 'encouragements' are, you know? “
As always, I appreciate your comments and those of others.
