(((((BG))))) Hope you are surviving today! I know you want to fix the house right, but take care of yourself first. If the kids see firsthand what he did it isn't all bad. It's not up to you to cover for him.
(((((mishka))))) None of this is easy. I have been really trying to find the good in things that we don't like. Sometimes it helps, I Think.
(((((BobbiJo))))) I told W I would help her setting things up, etc. It just seems right. That's all I can go with.
W talked to a loan officer today, and is preapproved for a mortagage on her end. All she needs is the downpayment money. Well, and a house to buy... So, I went and talked to the same person, figuring that if everything else is equal, that might help smooth the series of transactions. It turns out that there is a difference in the interest rate from a regular cash out refinance, and one to buy out a spouse! Who knew?! When you buy out the spouse, the rate is the same as an original loan, which is a bit less than a cash out refinance. So, that's good news. The bad news is that when you do that, you can't get cash out. And I would like some of that. Anyway, it looks like either way things work, as long as the house has the value I think it does. The loan officer is going to have her appraiser do a quick look to see if it will support the value it needs to, which he does for her free of charge. Assuming that works out right, then things can start to move on that front.
W has a Dr. appointment today for a potentially serious problem that she didn't tell me about until Monday night. It has been bothering her for a while, and she has been putting it off. If it turns out that it is a problem, all of this will most likely stop for a while. I expect it will be a week or two before tests come in. In the meantime I will keep going forward, even if the refinance is done, it isn't anything that forces a particular outcome.
OK, here is the most interesting thing she said today....
She said that she was talking to the loan officer, who was telling her about the paperwork I would have to sign to release my interest in her new home (being in a community property state). The loan officer that sometimes spouses resist. W said that she told the loan officer that I would sign anything that would get me what I wanted, which was her out of the house. I said something like, "isn't that what you want?" She said, "I don't know what I want, don't assume that." Anyway, I was at work, and this was over the phone, so I dropped it then. But I think I need to resurrect it before we say anything to the kids. I need to make sure that if it isn't what she wants, I will stop. But that she has to have a plan. I will remind her that she is the one that said she wanted a divorce. And that she is the one that isn't sleeping in our room. And that she is the one that says she can't live with me. (If I have to. I really would really prefer not to get in to the blame game, but it might be necessary.)
