Have I mentioned I hate waiting? I had a thought during my teacher training, that this whole thing (my M) could all be over if I just pulled the trigger. If I just let it go and walked away from it, so to speak. We are already 'sharing' the kids, and in the process of dividing up the money, so there is not much left, is there? Practically speaking, anyway...
And yet I haven't been able to call the whole thing off. I have had a couple dozen texts in the past 2 weeks, since H said he was hoping and "praying for guidance on how to make me and you better", since he said "I don't know how to do this without you". But none have been about US, just day-to-day stuff.
And he has come over, brought me my favorite coffee, shoveled my driveway, and gotten me a mat for my entry way, all on Sunday.
But nothing about us....he did mention the night I got back from the conference that I was so tense and he didn't want to feel tense when he was with me. I LISTENED (for once!) and have made a point to be calm, relaxed, fun, etc when he has been around since then.
Anyway I cannot overthink it. I guess in the grand scheme, whether I am "in" or "out", I am still "in". And to an extent, I guess he is too, since he said he doesn't want to file anything and he hopes all the work on the house will be something we enjoy together.
But knowing that he is two streets away at night working on 'his' house, and going to bed every night away from his wife and kids, I get discouraged....
