I agree with Puppy. It sounds like she has a relationship or at least feelings for this OM and she wants to separate to pursue him free from you.
When my wife first dropped the bomb I did everything that you're doing. I addressed all of her complaints about the marriage and become a model husband. But it didn't make a dent in my W. She still moved out with a "too little, too late attitude." A couple months later I discovered that she had been having an affair the entire time.
When people are high on the affair drug it doesn't matter what you do. All they want is their fix, and nothing you say or do will make a difference. The only thing you can do is get some intel to see if she's cheating on you. Check her cell phone records, put a keylogger on her computer, check her email. Is this snooping? You bet. But you need to know if she's having an affair or not because it changes the way you approach this.
Has finding out more about the A helped you in any way? I'm assuming that it's detrimental to reconciliation but helps in your mental state of dealing with your "inner monologue" day to day.
Together since Feb. 2003 Maried since July 2007 Bomb occured early Dec. 2008 She's approved for a lease mid Feb. 2009 (deciding on if to take it or not)
