Well Sydney indeed threw up but it was all mucous, she has a bad cold and I guess all that was stuffed up through the night found its way down when she got out of bed....ick!
She survived and went on to school and I got to go to my teacher training for the day...
As always, T, thanks for the prayers. I am hanging in there. I guess patience is the name of the game.
Have I mentioned I hate waiting? I had a thought during my teacher training, that this whole thing (my M) could all be over if I just pulled the trigger. If I just let it go and walked away from it, so to speak. We are already 'sharing' the kids, and in the process of dividing up the money, so there is not much left, is there? Practically speaking, anyway...
And yet I haven't been able to call the whole thing off. I have had a couple dozen texts in the past 2 weeks, since H said he was hoping and "praying for guidance on how to make me and you better", since he said "I don't know how to do this without you". But none have been about US, just day-to-day stuff.
And he has come over, brought me my favorite coffee, shoveled my driveway, and gotten me a mat for my entry way, all on Sunday.
But nothing about us....he did mention the night I got back from the conference that I was so tense and he didn't want to feel tense when he was with me. I LISTENED (for once!) and have made a point to be calm, relaxed, fun, etc when he has been around since then.
Anyway I cannot overthink it. I guess in the grand scheme, whether I am "in" or "out", I am still "in". And to an extent, I guess he is too, since he said he doesn't want to file anything and he hopes all the work on the house will be something we enjoy together.
But knowing that he is two streets away at night working on 'his' house, and going to bed every night away from his wife and kids, I get discouraged....
Thank you Sara! I was hoping for some sort of positives/encouragement for my situation.
It is true, he has a 'project' now, and he told me himself that spending his kidless evenings working on the house will give him lots of 'thinking time' to try to sort himself out.
I need to just trust that I have shown him unconditional love, but that I am also independent and capable of being on my own, that I don't 'need' him. All I can do is keep on going with my life and let him figure out his...
Yep. And go easy on that "unconditional" part of the love. I've learned that sometimes conditional love helps people to act better. They need to know that you won't just take poor treatment.
Sara, If you see any specific examples you can offer me in my situation for 'conditional' love, please let me know!
I am concerned that b/c H has told me he hopes that all of the work on the house will be something we can enjoy 'together', that we will 'end up together', etc., that he will think he has bought himself a 3-6 month 'do nothing' pass when it comes to our relationship.
He seems to think just saying that he is trying to 'figure out how to make us better' is enough, and I should just assume if I hear nothing from him relationship-wise, it means he is still 'figuring it out'...
I think the DB ideas work well here. GAL, be busy, don't jump when he calls, go out and have fun with others, have a social life, and when he treats you poorly, call him on it. Let him know that you don't take bad behavior from anyone. As they say in the hair color commercials, "because you are worth it!"
