The W is feeling scared and insecure because of the argument and she wants you to feel scared and insecure too and then you will pander to her until she feels better and loved again.
The correct thing to do is to find the inner strength to stop reacting to her. You need to take the actions that are right not what she wants you to do. Do the right thing. It is a good thing to make the first move and if you are at fault then yes apologise. But don't squirm round apologising 1000 times.
This is an example of changing yourself to change your spouse. When she sees you are not reacting to her normal methods she may not like it. She might get a little nasty. Stick to your guns and carry on being reasonable. Eventually she will see it is not working and she will have to change her ways. If you are acting in a better way this will make it a lot more likely for her to change to better ways too. Give her time, but don't back down.
If this is a real sitch hope that is some help. I have had to learn to stand up for myself and in the end it does bring you closer because you can be more yourself not so scared of what your partner thinks of you.
