Alright, I'm back with the newest dilemma. Wife told me this morning that she spoke to the lawyer and there is no benefit for me in regards to a legal separation. She also said that it would end up costing more money. She told me that I could read the email if I wanted, that she had nothing to hide.
However, then she said something I wasn't expecting. She said "What do you want me to do? If you need time to find a job and get things together, I can postpone this for like three months. The lawyer can keep it on file until I'm ready."
Okay. So now, I have her postponing the divorce (should I agree to it). She did not mention anything about trying to work it out or not doing the divorce at all. However, she has made it very clear these past few weeks that she was getting a divorce and she was done, so this is definitely a far cry from last week. I had originally mentioned six months for the separation, but she said three this morning as far as how long she can postpone it. Then when I was checking into health insurance this morning she said that she could put me on hers, depending on what I wanted to do. She said that would at least give me coverage for a few months. So she seems to be set on this three month thing, but that also gives me more time to DB and more time to prove the changes to be permanent.
However, my dilemma is this...
My original thought on the separation was not so much financial (that was just the route I used to present it to her so that I didn't seem clingy) but to have a chance to step back and really spend some time working on ourselves. She is miserable, and though I think that the core misery is something outside of the marriage, I still think us being on top of each other in the house (now that I'm home all day) is really just reminding her of how unhappy she is in the marriage. I thought some time away might help her to work out some of her problems outside of the marriage, clear her head and her vision a bit, and make the possibility of reconciliation more plausible. But now she's talking about postponing the divorce, which I think is a positive step. However, she left it out there, so I'm not out of the woods by a long shot. If I agree to stay in the house, I have more of a chance to work on our relationship, but I also run a greater risk of her placing the blame for her frustrations in life on me and hitting that point of no return. If I move out, not only am I away from my kids, but I also leave her alone and miserable and that could easily backfire as well. However, by moving out and living how it would be if we were divorced might also act as an eye-opener to her as well, and she may realize that life isn't going to work out quite as she thought.
So, I don't know what to do. I haven't given her an answer yet. I don't want to pass up an opportunity either way.
