Hope, how is your job, are you doing OK? I know that you feel the burden of his spending so I want to make sure you have enough for yourself and D15.
Your H will have to make his own stupid decisions and live with them. When his infatuation dies down, he will get even more depressed (according to the six stages of MLC anyway). You need to think about whether you will still want to be around to support him financially, emotionally and mentally. Or will you be happy to be rid of him and his huge mess?
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
hi PM, My boss knows what is going on so he told me to take any time what I need. But job wise I am barely producing. I am very unfocused and I need to get busy with that.
I am meeting with atty today. See what develops. Have to respond to being served by I think March 1.
Some days I wish never to see his face again but most times I do want him back but I do realize how tough it will be financially -- since I have pulled money out from 401K and he has also but he has also spent wildly, emotionally and mentally -- I want him home but I don't know how I will be able to handle an aftermath of his A and the thoughts of the OW. Do we ever trust them again???
Not that this is anything I have to think about since he appears to be so committed to the OW. This weekend was a very depressing one for me. I was really crashing thinking about the rest of my life without my H. Not good.
PM how are you doing in your sitch? Any progress. I know you were thinking of going dark. It is so hard to know what to do. My decision to detach was that everytime I talked to H he would say "I was too emotional, too controlling, too everything". The only way I could take away taht perception was to be gone.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Thinking of you. Let us know what your L says. Remember you can stall. My L called today and stirred up all kinds of emotions that I thought I was done with. Now it looks like we'll be heading for mediation sometime in April.
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I want him home but I don't know how I will be able to handle an aftermath of his A and the thoughts of the OW. Do we ever trust them again???
My thoughts exactly. I can't believe that after everything he's done I still want him home! Is this unconditional love or just stubborness?
Good luck with everything.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Hi Silver Fox, saw the Atty. Really liked her. she is the one. Explained everything and appreciated that I researched the Texas laws and understood the system. We will go at snail pace. I have to respond by 3/2 so she said we will turn our response in on 3/2 at 4:00 pm. I explained that I still had love for H in spite of everything and she understood it and GOT it. Did not make me feel like I was an idiot for still loving.
Silver, it sure does stir up emotions. Take your time. April is good. drag it oooouuuutttt. I figure I have nothing better to do. Take care...
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Good that you found someone who respects what you want. What are you going to put in your response?
I took some time to vent tonight on my thread. And may do some more before going to bed. The mediation has me scared but then I think, why? H is the one in the wrong, he's the one who should be worried. But he's the one pushing this - makes no sense.
Take care.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Good on you, Hope. I am glad you found a good atty who gets what you need. That is so key.
Snail pace, if you can't have him back right away (not that you want to anyway) at least you can annoy the heck out of him and let him experience some aggravation of his own doing. Let him feel the reality of his situation. You're right, you have nothing better to do anyway.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Hi PM, Today has been an "off day", feeling very "seperated" from H and his new life. Feel very lost by all of this.
D15 has still not talked/seen H since 12/22. I know it has to bother him but the text messages once a week are pathetic.
He had talked about going to a counselor, getting her with a counselor and what has he done nothing.
I am calling IC for D15 and get her in there. That is in between of making L appt, maintainence of house, etc.
Next week I send a text to H telling him he needs to get his own car insurance. He is currently paying his share for it but I want him off the policy while he is drinking. I need to continue to protect what I can for our family.
This stuff is hard.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I am so glad you are getting help for D15. Don't rely on H, he is not himself and don't think he will follow through. MLC takes a long time to overcome and your D cannot wait til her dad is himself because she works through her feelings. You don't want her to suffer anymore than she has to, right? So I am so glad you are on the ball with that.
Keep a list of the things you have to do. Break it all down into small steps. When you have done one, put a big fat checkmark next to it and give yourself a big pat on the back! The only way to eat an elephant is one bite a a time. If you look at the whole elephant, it's very overwhelming. Then say, after you achieve a certain number of things on your list (maybe five or ten), then give yourself a small gift. It can be a real gift or just a gift of time, say one hour of no pressure, problems and just sit and read an interesting book and schedule it on your planner so nothing can touch that hour.
You are doing great protecting your brood and your assets, you are my role model :-)
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
PM, great advice about list and breaking things down. I am at the elephant size state of stuff I need both for work and home. Need that focus and able to stratch stuff off of a list. Thank you so much.
I wish I was a role model for the perfect M, but would still like to strive for that.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
