I thought my wife was ready to take me back. But she is so confused and confusing that I don't know which way is up.
I didn't want the separation but she was beginning to hate me because for several years I just wallowed in my own depression and didn't maintain a steady income.
We separated and I guess she really thought the marriage was over so she found comfort with a man she dated before she and I met.
I came home after 6 months away because she was sick and I saw the opportunity to care for her and really establish myself again with her. I got a job the next day and cared for her while she was stuck in bed.
She ended the sexual part of the affair with her ex etc. But as soon as she began to feel better, she told me I moved in on her to fast and that she was not ready. She wanted me or her to move out again and take more time to rebuild our relationship with the main focus on ME establishing myself and taking good care of myself without her help. I agreed to that because it makes sense.
The part that stung was that she told me she will continue being friends with her ex-BF that became the OM but there would be no more affair. I find that to be unacceptable and made it known.
She had been very sweet and seemingly willing to work on us until I started making my needs known. Then she started really backing away fast and furiously.
If I keep my mouth shut, she cares for me and we get along great and we both see potential but when I ask for anything she turns into a porcupine and hurts me.
On Valentines day she planned a day with a girlfriend but when she came home the next day she fell apart in my arms and told me that she had just lied to me for the first time in our relationship and that I was a wonderful man and she does not deserve me. I let her cry and she told me that she went to get her "stuff" from the OM's house but ended up staying the night watching a movie. There was no sex and I know this for a fact, however she lied and confessed and I think that even though she has feelings for him the affair is over.
I took this as meaning that all her BS was over but when I started asking what her confession meant, she started backing up again.
She has agreed to marriage therapy, she has agreed to check out another city with me and I have given her 2 more months to decide to commit to the saving of our marriage or I will leave again and that will be it.
My take on this whole thing is this:
She wants to be my wife She feels guilty She does not trust that my personal changes are real She is waiting for me to prove it all to her
