36 today, this may just be MY year !

[tpaschal]

Cinders,

I, too, struggle with where or how to meet the kind of man I would want to have a relationship with, since most of my friends are married and don't have many single friends to introduce me to!

And actually, I'm not sure I really want to be "set up" yet. I know the time is coming soon, but I'm not really ready to date yet. I know I still have feelings for my husband even though I have dropped the rope, and have given up the expectation of him ever reconciling with me. I have NOT given up hope that God may lead us to that point sometime in the future, but I have given up the expectation.

While I do still have that hope, I know that I cannot live my life on "standby." I don't believe that God wants that for me either, so at some point I know I will be ready to date, and I trust that He will let me know when that time is right. In the meantime, I'm doing what I call, "sticking a toe in the dating waters."

It seems like that's where you are, too?

Do any of the churches in your area have a singles group for older singles---30 or 35 and up, instead of just college age kids? How about a social club---an organization that plans outings to museums and state parks, sets up group dance lessons, or has co-ed sports like volleyball or softball? A couple of the larger churches in my area do this, and the community I live in has a non-religious social club, too. I know you're in Europe, so maybe that's not as prevalent as it is here?

One of my single friends and I are starting to try some of these events. We went to a Super Bowl (American football) party a couple of weeks ago. It was kind of weird and awkward to show up and not know anyone, but kind of fun, too! It's easier if you have a buddy to go with you. Do you have a single friend you could go with?

My friend and I have also started going out a couple of times a month to a local bar/restaurant that has live music on the weekends. We've met a group of singles who go out and have a couple of drinks and listen to the music and even occasionally get out on the dance floor! This may not be where I'll meet someone that I'd want to have a long-term relationship with, but as lots of the people there are in the same boat as me---divorced thirty-something and forty-something college educated people with kids---who knows? And, as I KNOW I'm not ready to date yet, I'm not worried about that yet. Right now it's just about getting out and expanding my circle of single friends.

And it does allow me to dip a toe in the waters of flirting, without the pressure of "dating." I've been married so long I've forgotten HOW to flirt. I've forgotten how to talk or relate to any man besides my H, so these outings let me try that out without the pressure of being on a date.

On a date, there can be that little weird pressure of who pays for what, and if the guy pays, does he expect some type of "payment" from the woman. Also, my friend and I always go together, so there's never any weirdness about having a man I hardly know pick me up or drive me home.

If you can, try some of these things out before going on one-on-one dates. Find a buddy, and expand your circle of single friends!