DA Club II

[JDOllie]

Kassie,
Going dark will aggravate initially in most situations - especially if your spouse is a cake-eater.

When I went dark, and W figured it out, she put up a picture of her and OM, got nasty, and ignored me back. But 5 days later, she started texting me, sent me pictures of kids, etc, trying to get sympathy, etc.

I simply respond with acknowledgments, and move on. I tried being the "better person" for about 2 months, and it got me used - that was about it. W is responding to the going dark - still, even now, she is trying to send me little cute things. I respond, "OK".

P.S. I lost count, but I think I'm on day 12. ONE contact initiated by me to find out about kids' schedule! WOOT!

[kassie]

JD

What do you think is going on with her trying all the contact? What do you think it means and do you really respond with ok? Do you answer the phone, the text, the email - at the time it comes or later or do you decide which ones to answer?

[kassie]

H is basically adjusting to minimal contact even when talking.

I feel better able to breathe most days, though I am still a bit afraid of seeing him or hearing from him.

Last phone call and email sounded like he was responding to me the way I have been talking to him - keeping it brief and to the point.
This is a first.

[silvagod]

Kass,

Last contact I had with W was a 7 min phone call that she made, telling me about her mum. We had a 'general' chat after the news. When I said goodbye, I could have thought that seh wanted me to tell her something else (Like I Love you,,miss you etc etc)
but that was some 10 days ago now. SO, I got it totally wrong.

Call it grasping at straws.

Keep your belief in YOU. The rest will follow. You may want to discard some of the 'hangers on' but it will be YOUR choice.

[kassie]

Help!

H left a phone message - just calling to say hi. That's it. I am thinking of calling back and keeping it brief. I know he was supposed to meet with sponsor this a.m.

Any thoughts about this anyone?

[silvagod]

Kass,

You need to leave him. Accept the call and the Hi and that's all.

There is no need to call back, no questions were asked.

Stay dark, it's working.

[kassie]

Hey Silva,

We're on a hunt to boost the ole PMA.

[pearlharbr]

Hmm, it's quiet over here so thought I'd bump in case Tawnya or anyone else was looking for us.

Haven't been completely dark, but have been following rules of no chit chat communication. Haven't had a personal convo with xBF for 23 days! And that was just a note about playing with the cat when he came over. Just minimal emails about finances and logistics of him moving stuff.

When I had IC yesterday C asked if I wanted to talk to xBF. Nope. Do I feel like I need to talk to xBF? Nope. Do I want him to take the rest of his stuff? Yep.

I think that's darn good detaching!

[Tawnya]

Aww thanks {{Pearl}}} Actually I just cheated and looked to see your posts Does that not count if they are just stupid what is the password/where is this convos..sweet then I'm on day 4 Pearl..I'd say you are doing fantastically!

Tawnya

[pearlharbr]

That's not cheating Tawnya, that's just being smart!

Ok, I went back to the original post and found the NC rules:

Rule 1:
If your spouse contacts you and initiates a pleasant conversation, this does not restart your self-imposed regimen of going dark.

Rule 2 for those of us with shared pets and kids:
Initiating a call to spouse for the sole purpose of scheduling, etc, for kids or pets also does not restart your regimen.

I will add that I think other necessary things like finances fall under rule 2. But you must be honest with yourself about the necessity.

Of course we're on the honor system.