Back in a bad place (from a former DB regular)

[newnamenewlife]

He refused to work on it back when there was an opportunity to do so. I have let him go at this point and have accepted that our M is over.

I guess I am feeling plain old jealousy--that the guy who seemed so emotionally shut down with me is now (seemingly, from what I know) having an R with someone else that has been going on for months and seems to be getting more serious.

It is hard to tease out what feelings are about what. I was on a high when I was having my rebound fling (for about 2 mos) and at that point I hardly cared what my H was up to. Then my fling ended and it's like the anesthesia wore off and now I am feeling the pain of Hs new R--plus I am feeling pessimistic about my own dating/R future, which seems bleak right now.

Karma-wise, H should be the lonely, suffering one now after all the pain he caused me in the past year or so. I should be the one in a fun new R. It just all feels so unfair. I feel like I am being punished for something, it's so brutal.

What makes it even more annoying is that H wants to be friends with me and would probably be delighted if I found a new R--while I have all these ugly, angry, vengeful feelings toward him and his OW.