I bought myself some flowers because v-day became love yourself day to me. I tortured myself a little watching all those romantic comedies but I did watch my beloved KU play against K-State. It was a good game. Yes we won.
The kids came home last night and couldn't even really remember what they did with their Dad. Yes he found a way to include skank on the 14th. They met at the swimming center in Lawrence. s13 actually expressed how mad he was. I couldn't get mad at him because he has been holding it in for such a long time. Ex didn't say anything to him. Ex is an idiot. But we already knew that.
Took the kids to the $2.00 movies and saw Yes Man. Really good I thought. Also rented Eagle Eye and thought that was well worth it. Watching paranormal state with D10. Catch up later.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Just a quick vent. Last night while ex had the kids, he invited skank to dinner at his parents. From the kids reactions, they(including his parents) had no idea that she was going to be there. D10 went off about it the minute she walked in the door last night. She said grandma was upset and didn't say much.
Really no surprise there. They stood by without saying a word, knowing that he was destroying our marriage and our family all because they were afraid that he wouldn't come see them anymore if they said anything. I am guessing that the same thoughts are dancing through their heads now as they are dancing through mine.
I don't want these stupid little events to hurt anymore. They do partly because they bother my kids so much and partly because a small bit of my heart is still there apparently.
Thanks for letting me vent.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Sorry about V-Day and the dinner with the in-laws. That would be a tough sitch to deal with.
No doubt the kids would be a tough spot when an ex isn't putting their needs first. He is in another dimension . It sounds like your doing well dispite the isloted moments.
Let's hope he wakes up someday and realizes what he has/is doing.
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Thanks. I just got an email from ex stating how I am letting the kids dictate how I parent them. That when they are with him, what he chooses to do they have to be fine with because he is the parent. Did I mention that he forces them to go with him because it is his time!
He thinks I am letting S16 "run the show" because he doesn't care to spend time with his dad. He is alientating them and there is nothing I can do. Time for him to crash and burn with his own kids, I can't help on the sidelines anymore.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I can't imagine that was a fun or pleasant dinner for anyone. Maybe your H won't plan on that again? It is so self-centered for him to do that, not thinking about your kids at all! I know I feel like I am totally over H, and then last night I had a dream about him, where he was acting sweet and everything, boy, that was a dream!!! I guess it'll take longer than we want to get over these (insert bad word here). (((((kat))))) And yeah, hopefully he will realize at some point he's being a total creep!!! Karen
For what it's worth. I lived through a sitch like this with my S and her ex. He undermined and talked crap about us to the point of...well i don't have the space to fully get into it here. He had my SD15 so convinced we were horrible for a long time.
When she was 13 we finally had enough and were honest with her and she had matured enough not to be manipulated and understand what destructive behavior looked like. She finally confronted her Dad and things have straightened out now.
What i'm getting at is that kids are smart. They get alot more than they we think they do sometimes. He is destroying HIS relationship with them. Stay steady. They will remember that in the long run even when it seems hard now.
Your not always going to be in this place.
Hang in there. they will thank you and respect you for it later!
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Well today is going to be a whopper. I called him to check on D8 that got sick at school and the fight just exploded. Bad me, I know. I let myself get sucked in and he kept telling me all the things that I am doing wrong and how he should maybe get more time with the kids. He said they are just going to have to face facts, she is going to be there. End of story. He said that when I start to see some one that just wait and see if I give Veto power to my kids.
I said well hopefully I won't be introducing them to someone until the relationship is pretty serious and maybe even a ring going on a finger. Jerk had the nerve to say well they will all be grown and gone by then. I hung up. I don't need any more of his poison.
I was married to this jerk????!!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Dangit, Kat! I had a good reply all typed up, hit the submit button and lost it. Darn computer virus! So I'll just shorten it to say your H sure pi$$es me off forcing the OW on everyone!!!!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
He does that to me too, obviously since I got into a fight with him over it. Still puts me down for fighting for our marriage. I wasn't so nice either. Told him the only good thing that came out of this was the kids.
He of course blames me for the bankruptcy. That was my fault since I wanted to have something in writing saying that this money was coming in due to such and such. He was the idiot that thought I should get all the bills along with the money he had to pay for child support. He says I am living in the past, I have a problem. The house is messy, my fault totally. D8 didn't bother to have lunch yesterday, she knows how to make sandwhiches and get herself something if she is hungry but that is my fault. She had a dirty shirt on when he picked them up, he didn't make her change it but that is my fault. Oh, I was working yesterday and he didn't even bother to tell me that they had a dentist appointment. My fault that I am not a mind reader.
He thinks we should be able to talk but never thought it was important until recently and is totally blown away that there are any problems in this department. My fault again.
No wonder he wanted to get rid of me, I wasn't perfect like his highness. NOT!!!!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No. This is who he has grown into. Hopefully he will grow out of it.
If you can, let it go. It's HIS relationship he is destroying w/kids. Be the example of grace and integrity and give them a role model to look up to. They will. I've seen it happen. My wife did this when it was killing her. She is now reaping the rewards of a wonderful relationship with her daughter.
It's hard but it's worth it. They need you to be the bigger person cause' Dad's in a way bad place in this moment in his life.
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
I know I feel like I am totally over H, and then last night I had a dream about him, where he was acting sweet and everything, boy, that was a dream!!! I guess it'll take longer than we want to get over these (insert bad word here). (((((kat))))) And yeah, hopefully he will realize at some point he's being a total creep!!! Karen