If its in the D papers call your L, DONT call him...its not worth it.
Listen too Snodderly, her advice is spot on.
remember they lie, they cheat, they spend.
If his lips are moving renee`, he is lying.
use this time to heal and nuture you and your S. Time to think
about you...You keep thinking this man than looks like your H
is what he used to be.....hes not, picture a little green man
in there....Sweetie its not your old H, it has become the total
opposite of what he used to be.
what he used to be. Leave him be..."im sorry you feel that
way" and walk away.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Renee, You cannot believe a word that comes out of his mouth. He will promise you the moon in a basket made of gold if you will do what he wants. Do not, repeat, do not believe him. He will tell you anything just to get you to leave him alone.
Now, I'm going to advise you one more time....don't call him for a blessed thing. I had already advised you to try to handle the bills on your own. Each and every time you call him, it ends badly... Get the strong hint.....he doesn't want to be bothered w/you.
BTW, duct tape does come in different colors. Whenever you feel the urge to call him, pull out the duct tape as a reminder...nada.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Guys i just need to vent right now and maybe CRY. My son told me volunteerly that is dad is sick today. The ow has on her myspace, "taking care of my sick man". I can not handle this guys, it tears me up inside. Please pray for me. How many think this will last? Also, I am so afraid that when we go to court my xh is gonna suggest that the judge drag the protection order (which is a joke) for a year! I cant imagine going one year without NO CONTACT! It breaks my heart. I am not allowed to call or go 500 feet near him in 14 days, this I can probably handle. BUT one year!!!! Ok, get this, I dont know if this is him or not. BUT since he got this order on me to stay away, my cell phone has gotten 2 calls from blocked numbers. Not many people have my number. The first one I got was right after he left the police dept. and then I got another one today at work. Do you think it is him? I dont know who else it could be. He has to be a "little" worried since when he left, I was laying over the steering wheel crying my eyes out. (or maybe not). Guys I am so afraid he is NOT in MLC and that he is just DONE!
One important question. I am willing to stand if I knew he was going thru MLC, but I am scared he is not. How can I be sure. All you experts chime in please?
Renee, that's a pretty large age gap between your ex and his GF. He may just be trying to recapture some of his youth. The logistics of keeping a relationship of that nature long term will eventually dawn on him. She's young, probably wants to start a new family, may be a little naive in her expectations of him, and will eventually mandate some pretty strenuous demands on him. Starting a new family at 41 isn't exactly a priority for a Man. The honeymoon ends pretty quickly in these situations. He'll feel the presure eventually.
It shouldn't matter anyway whether he's MLC or not in your case. You can't 'wait' in the sense you 'wait' because your consistently pushing the envelope with him. You can't maintain your composure. Convince yourself he's not coming back regardless of if it's MLC or not. That's the only way your going to keep from going insane.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Renee, Your h most likely had a flu bug and something you have to let go. The ow most likely knows that you and/or your son are reading her page and put it out there for all the readers to see. These op can be quite spiteful in the best of times and that's why you need to learn to let it all go. Yes, it hurts, but you know what, let her deal w/him when he's sick. Who knows....he could very well be a sorry type of patient when he's sick.
Affairs die their own natural death. No one can tell you whether it will last or not, but I do know this, the more you question him about the relationship/ow, the more determined he will be to stay w/her and defend her. That's why it's important that you not even bring up the issue of what he's doing and w/whom right now.
Renee the protection order was most likely done because of your calling and using excuses to call him. He wants peace and quiet and he wants his independence. He's told you in a very real way to leave him alone. That means...finding a way to live w/o him in your life right now. It's time to figure out what you are going to do now that there is no contact.
As for the hang up calls...most likely him, but I wouldn't put it passed the ow to call just to get you to call and violate the order. Don't even think about calling him. If he calls you, hang up because it's in violation of the order. Do not be tricked into getting arrested because of what he's put in place.
I'm sorry it's come to this, but he, in his own mind, felt that the only way to get you to let him go was to have this order put in place. Now, you have to find a way to go on w/your life, but leave the door ajar just in case he opts to return.
Don't worry....your h is okay. God takes care of babies and fools.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snodderly and astimegoeson thank you both for your posts.
My xh did just have a flu bug, it must not have been bad, it didnt stop him from working out!. Anyway, I have more problems. My son is gonna be 19 in April. I am struggling to save our home and may not be able too with the job I have now. I am looking for better job and pay but need my son to step up and GET a job and help out. I LOVE my son more than anything and if I could I would take away the pain of what I know he is going thru. I tried to talk about it with my son today and he just wanted to yell. I told him I was cutting off the internet on his computer and he freaked and said NO I COULDNT, that he would just go live with his dad! I told him fine. He two-wayed (nextel) is dad in front of me and I heard the conversation. He told his dad some lies. He told him that I constantly wanted him to call his dad (something like that) and that I talked about his dad all the time (use to, but not lately, other than asking about his health), he said I threatened to cut off internet, BUT did not tell his dad it was because he would not get a job. His dad told him to walk away from me and that he understand why he (son) was upset. My xh told our son that he could come stay with himm and to not pay any attention to me. This makes me SO angry. Now my xh thinks I am still hung up on him, and that is what my son and I were fighting about! His dad and ow pulled on my street and picked son up. It hurt me so much to see my son getting in the truck with them. I cried my eyes out after he left. Because of the protection order, I cannot call and explain to xh. I feel like my xh should have supported me in my decision to make son wake up and help save a home for us to live in. It tears me up guys. What should I do about this. I love my son so much. The other woman stays with my xh, so now my son is going to lay there in that house and watch his dad sleeping with her. I dont want my son to think its ok. Help me please!
Renee` there is nothing you can do...let the shine of living w/ an alien wear off. He has no more time for his son than he does you. Right now isnt your xh's behavior and your sons alike???? Why would you want either one under foot? You may have to make some lifestyle changes but in the end you will prosper.
Even if you could tell xh why S is moving in with him and child whore, he would turn it around to suit his selfish needs. You'd get more satisfaction ramming your head into a brick wall. Your xh is looking for anyone to take his side. After your son hears enuff of his MLC blather, he will make his own decsion about his dad.
Now use this time to get a foothold on life and where you want to be and who you want to be. Move forward, GAL...while still leaving the door cracked for your xh whaen he wakes up. get off the roller coaster of his crisis! I remember it all so well when I felt like you.....it literally sucked the wind out of us. Take time for yourself....grieve but dont obcess over the situation(yeah righhttttt...) get up when you are ready and just see how many of us reach our hands out to you, to help you along this journey.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
a new 2moro you are right there is nothing I can do about it, but it hurts like nothing else could. I dont know that son will be able to tell a difference in his dad because his dad does no wrong in his eyes. He takes son fishing, (well he is suppose to) and they have been best friends in the past. My son said before he left..."dad makes more money and I wont have to worry, and that I should get a better job". I dont know if my xh cares if son is on his side, he did tell our son once that he shouldnt resent me and it wasnt my fault he left, but I dont know what he will say to him now. Also xh has said he doesnt care what anyone thinks. BUT a couple days ago, he said he was tired of having his name drug thru the mud. So its confusing and I am not going to try and figure it out, because it seems like when I do he changes it up again. I use to think I knew why xh left, but then he would tell me something different again and I got confused. He always says "I didnt say that to you"...CRAZY!!!! My xh has calmed down alot. He made this comment to me a few days ago and to another woman he went out with in the beginning of this. "he said he only kept this young lady around because he needed someone to calm him down". Dont know what this means really but I assume he was getting tired of looking for companionship and settled for her for now. His friends stopped coming over as much and he was getting lonely I think. She the former ow told me also that he didnt care of the girl he was living with now, she said he told her he could care less if she walked out the door today. he also told her he thought about calling her again, just as friends. Hmmm, I dont know what my xh is thinking. I know you all say not to talk to former ow, but she seems nice to me. Maybe I am a fool. I have stopped talking to her as much though.
Also I wanted to ask you all another question and get your opinions. I go to court on Monday 23rd for the protection order. I know my xh will have his young girlfriend there. Should I try and find me someone to show up with me, so he will think I am moving on. OR just go on my own and dont worry about it?
I wanted to tell you all the story behind this young girl my xh is seeing, it will blow your mind. This made ALL news around here and probably some National News as well, dont know for sure though.
This young girl was married and had a son, he was, I think, 2 years old when this happened. The girls mother had the son with her early that morning and WAS suppose to drop him off at daycare, I think. The girls mother worked as a RN at your local hospital and went on to work forgetting to drop off the grandchild. NOT ONLY DID SHE FORGET TO DROP HIM OFF, BUT she also parked her vehicle, got out and FORGOT the little boy was in the backseat! (I assume he was sleeping). She went in to work and left him there for 8 hours, I think. Anyway it was very hot that day and the little child didnt survive. I can not imagine someone doing this. XH met this young girl at a bar around 5 or 6 weeks ago. This accident, and that is what they ruled it, only happend last spring/summer. The girl is totally defending her mother and her and her husband is going thru a divorce. Her husband and family are still in mourning. As for the mother, she is living it up with my xh. I am no one to judge anybody. I just dont understand this behavior out of the mother after losing her son. My xh says people deal with things differently, when I asked him about it. BUT then again, my xh is can be VERY cold hearted and is very COCKY!
(((((Renee))))) As far as going to courst with someone, only do it if you want someone to go with you. You are not putting on a show for H, or trying to make him think anything. You are trying to take care of yourself. I think a supported GF would be more appropriate than a man, it's about you, not your H.
