It's Complicated! Part 4

[glamgirl]

Oh my gosh so H just left after an hour of talking or should I say voice raising on h's part. I don't even think he realizes that he is raising his voice when he is talking.

I am not even sure how the convo got started, but the next thing I know h is reliving 3 years ago again and again and again.

He started saying how I back stabbed him, went to his family, didn't stand by him the very person he loved and m threw him out on the street and talked bad of him. Oh my gosh it was just a mess.

I was very calm through this whole thing. Trying to talk to my h like h you need to do something to get the anger out. What are your plans. He said he doesn't know what to do. Doesn't want me to bring up his family, doesn't want to make amends with them, wants me to stay out of it. Not that I have been doing anything other than wishing them happy holidays as each holiday rolls around.

He said he doesn't feel comfortable in the house because I took charge, was head of the household made decisions about buying a car, a refrigerator etc and he just can't see himself living with me.

He said I didn't stand by him with his business. I called him on it and said h you were making unethical business decsions, did you expect me to stand by you. He said yes, you should have stood by me regardless.

He mentioned how unhappy he was in the m and failed at trying to make everyone happy. He said he is trying to find his happiness. He said if you don't like it file the D papers and he would sign them.

I just hope the kids didn't hear h. He was not yelling or shouting, but he was saying things with all this anger in his voice as if it happened yesterday.

He went back to on his timing, he doesn't know what the future looks like, he is trying to be the best parent and husband to me that he knows how.

Then I said something about this couldn't last forever and that I wanted a m, and I wanted a man in my life. Ok those were not good choice words and h jumped up off the couch and said you want a man in your life then go find one.

I said h that is not what I meant, I meant that I wanted a m and my husband living here in the house and he said well that is not what you said. Then he said I am leaving. See you tomorrow.

He also said I talked with you and now I don't feel any better. You want me to communicate, but then it doesn't make us feel better.

Ok so this convo came out of left field. It wasn't like I said h we need to talk. He just started spilling this all out.

I didn't walk him to the door. Just said goodnight h see you tomorrow. I will let him stew overnight and see what the am brings.

Yikes! Is this what reconciliation is all about? I am so proud of myself. I was calm the whole time. The old me would have gotten angry and raised my voice too.

I am doing good, but when h left I just sat and cried. It seems like we are so far away. My guess, he isn't coming home any time soon. He mentioned that if he came home he would be angry all the time and that is not what he wants for himself.

Wow!