Is the answer blowing in the wind?

[Trixi]

Hey thanks for checking in L_L.

H and I have been seeing each other quite a bit lately.

I picked him up early from work yesterday and we spontaneously went out to lunch and then to a wildlife park/river where we just sat in the sun and listened to the water go by.

H is getting pretty depressed. Partly due to lack of sun. Partly because the band isn't coming together like he had hoped. Partly due to some worries about job security. Partly because he just doesn't know what to do about 'us'. He is disappointed in himself; he wants to do different things, but can't seem do it. He is worried about how his court date will go. He sometimes wonders if he should just give up on the music thing; but he thinks he would look stupid if he gave up now.

I am quite depressed myself. I feel like my life is not in my control. The real estate market is crap. I have no creative energy in me. I am worried about my H, my relationship w/H, I want my family in tact. (Don't we all.) I am worried about how I can possibly support myself should the worst come to pass. I've been white-knuckling my way thru this market and my reserves are nearly depleted.

We did talk yesterday a bit about both of us feeling depressed. I told him that when he talks about his concerns, I so badly want to hug him and say "Don't worry; we'll get thru this together; I got your back." He said "I know you do. Don't you think I have your back?" I said that I knew he would take care of me if I got really sick or something, but I meant it in a way that is more than 'friends'. I meant it in a "we're partners and it's "us" against the world."

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In other news, I found something really fun to do. There is a new comedy club nearby. It is much closer to where I live AND it is not in the "big city", so there is lots of parking, and there aren't bums and urine puddles. (yay!) Anyway, that was pretty good all by itself, but wait, there's more. On Thursdays the club has a sommelier come in and do a wine class. He teaches us how to taste wines, what to look for, etc etc. After the class, the comedians come on. So, I took H last Thursday and it was AWESOME. And a SCREAMING deal! It's $15/person for the class and then the show is "free". Wine bottles are half price that night. H and I got about 2 glasses worth of wine each during the sampling; a plate of $10 nachos that were YUM, a mixed drink, a beer, and 2 bottles of wine to take home for $54. oh, and of course, the class and then the show. 3.5 hours of entertainment, excellent wine, full tummys. It was great. I am going to go again this Thursday (to learn about wines from Australia). H is jamming that night, so it'll just be me. (I did try to invite a couple different peeps; but one is allergic to wine and another has to get up early the next day.)

Last Wednesday my GF and I went to dinner and a free comedy show at the casino. Thursday was wine and comedy. Friday I went to a meetup to play Rockband2. Saturday went to dinner with H. Sunday hung out with H all day thru dinner. Monday, got H at work and hung out most of the day/early evening.
So, it's not like I am holed up in my house; I am getting out and doing things.....

I hope to God the stimulus plan works. I am starting to feel frantic. And since I am "self employed", I can't get unemployment; free job training ,etc. BLAH!!!!