H just moved out, 13 months post-bomb

[25yearsmlc]

I'm watching American Idol (Anne Marie the brunette in blue dress is our local) and yet, here I am waiting...you know DH, this fact that you're so nervous and were doing so well may mean you've been going dark and also doing a little bit of HIDING...b/c at times, it's too scary to get out there and deal with it all. But unlike a fine wine, these things don't all improve with time...sometimes they do whatever they do and we "go dark" but really we hide, and WE forget to GAL...

So, you can go fill your scripts and all, but that's a bandaid. And how is your h going to see all the changes in you if no contact is made?

SO, tonight when he calls, you ARE GAL and you've been busy with your classes and your new friends, being a little mysterious is a GOOD THING and DO NOT fall into the trap of thinking you have to show him you care by crying or being needy. THat is not a 180. So what IS a 180' for you?

Being upbeat BUT available for real conversation IS a 180 for you. So if he wants to talk LISTEN to him. DO a lot of listening, ask how his job is if it ended, Listen like a friend and ask him whatever you must ask, about matters requiring attention but without any judgement...and as for his job news -- ask him how he'll approach things like a new job search IF he lost his job, which I suspect, (was he unhappy there? He may have quit...). You know, He MAY be hurting....so let the history you guys have show itself and encourage him and base whatever applies, on your knowledge of his past strengths, likes, etc. . Validate his interests (even if it's the first time you've heard of them). Ask about family if appropriate. (Forget OW...who?? don't know her). If he asks how you are feeling --show him how strong you are and what YOU bring to the table. Stick to business that you do need to deal with and let HIM bring up the R talk IF he does. But get the answers you do need, without any anger... we know it's a tough balance. You definitely have to get some biz done, but you don't want to pressure him and you DO want to show him you're a great catch, etc. So, let him do the talking. See where he goes.
BE available to him, if that comes up. Remember the 180's.

We're here for you!
(( j ))