Good job JD. You are making so many strides. Your W doesn't know what to make of the new you. You are doing the opposite of what she expects you to do.
Keep going on with your life with a big smile on your face!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Yep, you're right about the guilty conscience. The quick jump to be defensive is a sure sign. I'm benefiting from xBF's guilt right now because he's still paying for everything. I know if he hadn't been having an affair he would have wanted to get everything settled much faster.
And amen to getting off the roller coaster! I've never liked them anyway, I have pretty bad motion sickness.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
So now I'm sort of in a weird place. For the first time ever, I have no idea what to do, where to go, how to handle anything. It actually feels sort of nice!
Spiritually: I've been really working on "listening" - I want to have a dialogue not a monologue. I think a lot of the times we beg and plead with God, and just don't listen. It's hard for me to just shut up and listen, but I really want appropriate direction.
Marriage - March 1st is my self-imposed dark guideline. I think that W is open to conversations as she has initiated several, and has been very friendly. It also appears things are either slowing down or changing with OM - it honestly appears that they are going from romantic interest to friendly interest - seems like reality is setting in with the distance, marriages, kids, etc. Very odd - which makes me wonder if there's an opportunity? But then again, I don't know this, and I don't want to spend anytime wondering about it. As I posted elsewhere, specific changes are required. I know she's seen the changes in me!
What I'm wondering is if the dark should continue after March 1st, but not press divorce. I honestly am not waffling because I'm feeling all weepy - I just don't know what is right. I do know that W said she didn't mind being separated prior to OM - she said she couldn't file divorce until she got her nursing degree because she said she didn't have the money. So am I "enabling" if I stand by and let her get her degree? The positive is that I would pay zero alimony and VERY little child support - while keeping house, etc.
Quite honestly, I don't have enough data to make a decision at this point. I also committed this week to "listening" - so I'm going to keep at it!
Anyway, just odd ramblings. I will never shut off W completely until the ink dries, but I'm not willing to compromise my beliefs, my kids' stability/safety, and so on.
So, a weird place to be in - just not having a clue what to do, how to act, where to go.
Since things are possiably moving in a good direction I wouldn't rock the boat and just stay dark and see what happens. By you making a move like that it may just create enough of a wave in the wrong direction.
(((hugs))))) stay in touch
H-41 (alcoholic) Me-38 D-13 SD-10 T-6yrs M-4.75yrs Bomb-10/4/08 Moved in w/OW 11-13-08
I know you've heard it before, "when you don't know what to do, do nothing". She has to come back to YOU, not the other way around.
Hang in there.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I would tend to agree with Silver in the "take it one day at a time" approach..don't hastily move to the left or to the right if you are unsure..since you have a few weeks to think about it..you'll know..
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I'm voting for the wait and see approach too. You knew when it was time to go dark. You will know when it is time to file for D if it comes to that. For now I'd just stay the course and see what happens.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
